Thanksgiving! Whee
OKay, so the high-concept Hollywood train is about to leave the station, the leaves have pretty much all fallen, Joe Lieberman is doing his best to out-right-wing the right-wing, Britney Spears has a new album coming out....it must be that special time of year between Thanksgiving and Christmas.
Actually, not quite yet. But I'm anticpiating it because, golly, there's just so much to look forward to. Not the least of which will be the fact that Radio, Cuba Gooding Jr.'s latest aborted fetus of a movie, will finally be gone from theaters and minds of Americans foreverafter. What's that? You don't find aborted fetus references funny? Well, screw you. It's hard to be witty on here, sentence after sentence, every single day. (Ideally every single day, i should mea culpa, i suppose.) So just sod off. Okay, let's see, back on board the Cuba Gooding Jr. premise train! Whoo-whoo! It's leaving! Say, what do you think dinner conversation at the Gooding Jr. household is like? I think it might go a little something.....a-like this:
Cuba Gooding Jr.: Hi, there, family, it's me, Cuba Gooding Jr. You might not remember me from such films as Chill Factor, A Murder of Crows, and Snow Dogs. You likely WILL remember me as the who won an Oscar for shouting "Show me the money!" Hee-hee. I bet those Academy people are kicking themselves every day over that one.Cuba Jr. Jr.: Daddy, is there anything else you can possibly do to damage the respect, dignity, and progress of black people everywhere?
Cuba Gooding Jr.:, Well, I suppose I could back in time like the Terminator and assassinate Malcolm X, but that'd be hard for me to pull off.
Please hold my coat while I slide down into hell. ANYWAYS, there are a whole boatload of movies coming out during this time, some great-looking, some not-so-great. (You gotta give it up for Ben Affleck, though: His next film's called Paycheck. I applaud him for having the guts to just come out and say it. Look for his next two films, Summer Home and Phoning It In to drop sometime next year.) But I just wanted to clue you folks in to the fact that, starting next week, from the day after Thanksgiving to the day before Christmas, Planetarium will be chiming in with all the best capsule reviews of music, films, and books as a public service for those of you unable to come up with your own gift ideas. You're welcome.
But don't worry- that means I've got about a week or so here to do some serious farting about some recent political disasters. (Quick- here's my impression of Howard Dean: "Hey y'all! Y'all Southerners? I LUV me some good ol' redneck hillbilly, methaphetamine-snorting racist voters! I surely do! Y'all come vote for Howard 'round this here time next year!") And of course Planetarium would be sorely remiss in his duties were he not to mention the exciting news that Julianne Moore is starring in a Vampire movie coming out next summer. I love this new trend of Oscar winners turning to the occult to spruce up the ol' resume. Though Halle Barry apparently can't handle REAL goths, so she just has to name her silly Flight of the Navigator re-hash that. ("Halle! Wake up! While you were sitting in a sanitarium, the rest of us here on Earth aged eight years! Except for Robert Downey, Jr. He aged forty years.")
That's enough pedantry for now. Gotta go look up X-Box games to ask my family for come Christmas. And don't worry, Planetarium will post his Amazon wish list here, so any of you who really love him can buy him something from it.