Planetarium - politics/music/culture/smarts

SO- it's come to Planetarium's attention that everyone and their mothers are now faithfully submitting their year-end best-of lists out into the stratosphere, either by blog or email, or even taking unfair advantage of their position as writers by publishing in magazines their compliations of what they see as the best that 2003 had to offer. After all, there's few things that dorks of all stripes- be they music, film, internet, gaming, or political- love more than top ten lists. Well, we here at Planetarium say fie on that! We will stoop to neither best-of lists, nor top ten lists! And in that spirit, we offer you, gentle reader, a top-six "worst of 2003" list. IN the spirit of goodwill towards humans, of course.

6. Strom Thurmond- planted at last! This aging dinosaur, clothed in 20s-era bowties, sitting on the Senate floor, spent the past twelve years nobly listening to passionate debates on the most serious issues of our time; and then, when all others had fallen silent, this great elder statesman would rise to his feet, open his mouth, and emit a three-foot-long streamer of drool. Like down to his knees. That's what a pathetic, racist, decrepit, husk of a chauvinist pig this man had become. And he sat in Congress and made lots of important decisions, yeah, that's good, he's a good man. At least we now have his bastard half-black daughter whose mother he likely raped as living, eternal evidence of what a piece of shit this man was.

5. The Postal Service- Give Up- God, I am sick to death of seeing this album of every single rock critic's top-ten list. You know what the worst part about them is? We really, really like this record. A lot. It's so embarrasing. Seriously, who would've thought that just by taking away the guitars and throwing some electronic drums on it, you could trick people into liking emo again? 'Cuz that's what this is, folks, through and through: E-M-O. Postal Service deserves the title even more than Jimmy Eat World at this point. Joan Jett said it best: "I hate myself for loving you."

4. Friendster- My generation is so stupid that it actually thinks an online meet-and-greet cum miss lonelyhearts service is a good idea. Friendster sucked the minds and logic out of many a sensible person for the past eight months. Happily, as the year closes, and Friendster begins breathing its last, pitiable gasps of air, all hipsters have decided to waste their lives elsewhere.

3. My Generation- The Friendster thing reminded me. I hate you all.

2. The End of Buffy, The Vampire Slayer- Seriously, this could've been number one worst thing of the year, save for a few precious truths: 1) Angel is still on the air. 2) Joss Whedon is still alive, and 3) They will hopefully keep making new Buffy video games in perpetuity. All of you people who don't know what I'm talking about, you missed one of the most important cultural icons of your time, and I feel very bad for you. No, wait, I still hate you.

1. George Bush- Could it be anything else? This man will very likely go down in history as the WORST President we've ever had. Like really bad, dangerously bad. And not, to quote David Cross, "just in like a Millard Fillmore, James K. Polk kind of way." We have sat around for three years and watched this man's administration make a mockery of everything that was once respectable about America, democracy, politics, and especially brain cells. (See brain cells, needing to have) And I'm not entirely convinced that they don't have Osama hidden away, as a prize to reveal about a month before the election. The right-wing conspiracy Hillary spoke of no longer needs to hide itself away, it's right in the open, for all to see. And over half of our country couldn't be happier. I'm so proud to be an American.

Whoo, that ended on a much more seriously depressing note than I could have anticipated. Um, Planetarium can't let you go away that bummed out, it's Christmas, after all. Go check out Ain't It Cool and see the trailers for some of the really cool movies that are coming out next year: Spiderman 2, The new Coen brothers, all sorts of good things to look forward to. So there you go. All is not dark. Just, um, a lot. hah-hah. errr...

Posted by alex at 12:51 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Actually, Planetarium really enjoys her show The Simple Life. Although we still feel that they need to be far more cruel to Nicole and Paris than they've been thus far. None more deserving, and so forth.

But in reality, this post is to inform you all that the nagging feeling you've had in the back of your mind is quite correct: The Return of the King is indeed just as good as you thought it might be, and you should've seen it already. Planetarium's geek credentials, on the other hand, are fully intact. We've been talking a lot about the movies of the season here, and this is the perfect holiday film: A classic, enormous Hollywood epic, wherein good and evil clash, your emotional buttons get pushed rather firmly, and at the end you'd have to be a true Grinch not to have a smile on your face. Like more so than Love, Actually even.
And it REALLY beats drinking eggnog while staring at your uncle hitting on your significant other. Not that Planetarium's having issues with this joyous season or anything.

Coming soon: Best-of-the-year list, but in a good way. Which reminds us, our friend Kate had a great year-end list. Go look at her blog.

Posted by alex at 08:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Suddenly, I don't hate Howard Dean. No, I still don't think he's the best candidate, and no, I still don't think he'd win, but allow for a brief statement: Howard Dean can talk, um, real good. And he knows stuff, too. But mostly, it's just the fact that the fuckin' DLC (Democratic Leadership Council) hates him so much that they're putting out anti-Dean commercials at the early point in the game. That's pathetic, and a perfect example of why the national Democratic Party is such a frekin' mess right now. Planetarium can hardly believe it's eyes. The DLC is so deep-money entrenched, so middle-of-the-road, so much more concerned with fundraising than with winning, that they can't even see a loyalty-inspiring media-grabber when it's looking them in the face. And maybe that's Dean's biggest problem. The DLC is too stupid to give him the backing he'd need to win, and hence, he'll lose.

But hey- Christmas is almost here! Go buy everyone in our family a copy of Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them. Or maybe the new Michael Moore. Whatever, just spread the word, you know? Ho ho ho.

Posted by alex at 09:41 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Well, whoop-de-doo.

Yeah, you heard me: Whoop-de-doo. And I'll say it again, too. Followed by a rhyme, through and through. Don't think this thing we won't do. It's true.

In all honesty, though, is Planetarium supposed to be impressed by the fact that we finally found Mr. Iraqi bad guy hiding in the floor joists eating moldy bread? Did anyone really think he was doing anything else? Perhaps writing the next Harry Potter novel? Planetarium's a little dumbfounded, once again, at the stupidity of the universe. Why is why this post is actually to inform you that if you want to clear your head from all the CRAP that's going to be foisted on you by the national media about this story for the next three weeks straight, Planetarium wants to direct your attention to a much more enlightening essay on terrorism, Osama bin Laden, the Matrix, and McGriddles. Even with some dubious politics, it's funny enough to merit a reading by all of you. It'll cheer you up, we promise.

Posted by alex at 07:27 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Planetarium has been grooving for the past week to the rediscovered gem from the year that Bush started really screwing things up, Mogwai's first album of the new millenium entitled Rock Action. A great title that evokes exactly nothing of what you would expect from the record itself. Slow, haunting melodies that ebb and flow, with epic crescendos and valleys of sound that stick with you for days.

You can buy it here. Note that this is the Electric Fetus website, not Amazon. Now that everything is digital, gotta start finding new ways to support the independents. This seemed like a good way to do that. So, from now on, the first link will be to the Amazon site (just like on the Mogwai album link), so you can read about it, hear an mp3 or two if you choose, and so forth. Then, if you dig it, just click to the "buy it" link provided and help out the little guys. Hey, it's even the same price! Sweet!

Posted by alex at 02:04 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Wow, six days between posts. I apologize.

It seems Planetarium's been spending too much time with Homestar Runner.

You should too.

Posted by alex at 01:26 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Am I the only one unimpressed by Al Gore's endorsement of Howard Dean?

Big whoop.

Sorry, the dude still has a lot to prove to me before I think about saying he's got a shot in the general election. Don't tell me some East Coast intellectual is gonna destroy Bush without a second thought. Whatever, on one hand, right? I mean come on, like most lefties, I think defeating George Bush is extremely important, so I'll vote for whoever the candidate is (excluding Joe Lieberman, of course). But I need some more evidence before I say that Mr. balanced Massachusetts budget, middle-of-the-road, talk like a firebrand Dean is our savior for the next election. Someone please give me a grounded explanation of why he can win, because I haven't seen it yet. And sorry, but "firing up the college-age activists" doesn't count.

Posted by alex at 01:21 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Yep, you guessed it, today's entry is Gothika, the newest fiasco from Halle Berry. If you're anything like me, you were potentially interested in seeing this movie. BUUUUUUT......then then reviews came in. Then the general reaction to the film appeared. Then that friend of yours who's really dumb mentioned how it was super-predictable and not scary at all. All of which combines to equal........a soon-to-be out-of-work former agent for Ms. Berry! Yes, you heard me, "Ms." Berry. That washed-up 90's-era soul-crooner is out of the picture. Fellas, looking for a good-looking lady who didn't deserve an award she got for having sex onscreen with Billy Bob Thornton? Look no further.

So, in the last analysis, please don't go see Gothika. There are many more worthwhile films to spend your time on. If you don't believe me, allow the nation's critics, gathered together at RottenTomatos.com to convince you. Instead go see the only film with Bruce Campbell as Elvis in a retirement home fighting an undead Egyptian mummy. It's finally out, at the Uptown theater. It's.....

BUBBA HO-TEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by alex at 02:39 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

It seems that the government is really itching to kill anyone they can lay their hot little hands on. Even the dudes they really can't prove a damn thing about. As The New York Times points out, (with perhaps a little too much non-reportorial relish, Planetarium might add) Ashcroft et. al have really launched into a full-blown "kill 'em all" mantra, consistent, I suppose, if not very inspiring. I guess the lesson for the kids here is, "If you can't beat 'em, kill 'em".

Posted by alex at 07:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Today's film entry is, of course, the latest Tom Cruise debacle to wind its way down the turnpike. The sad part is, it's not even as appealing as Minority Report. You just know that, coming from Hollywood, The Last Samurai would be about a white guy. In this hoary re-hash to the profound sentiment that we city folk have somethin' we can learn from them there natives, it's a dreary form of Dances With Asians that actually shines through on celluloid. Your parents will probably really like this movie. I'm not saying it won't have its good moments, just that it won't be good.

Posted by alex at 07:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Okay, these movies don't even have websites, because they're OLD.......

The Wicker Man. Christopoher Lee. Totally insane British film from the 70's. Go rent it from your local indie store. Bizarre is not a strong enough word.

The Book of Life. Hal Hartley's millenium film. About Jesus being a bleeding-heart liberal. Need I say more?

All or Nothing. Mike Leigh's latest genius. You love him. You just don't know it yet.

Go sic 'em.

Posted by alex at 11:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)