Bad-ass kids
May 11, 2007
December 20, 2006
Ho HO Ho
The holidays are here again, and unlike most jobs, that mmeans Planetarium will actually be MORE likely to post more than once a week. That's how we do things here in Awesomeville. Anyway, the gift-giving time is upon us, which means it's again behoven upon us to get some rad stuff for other people. Here at Planetarium offices getting other people something incredibly awesome is usually easy, since it merely involves an autographed picture of us. However, this year we are mixing it up a little and debating perhaps just posting an autographed picture of ourselves up on the site to save both time and money. But then again, we don't want to crash the Internet. This sight of us has been known to automatically set computers on fire from the sheer radness.
December 11, 2006
My Computer At Work Remembers My Password to This Site.
Which is DEEPLY unsettling, frankly. Regardless, it's almost the middle of December, and still quite unseasonably warm here in the remote outback of New York City. The lack of snow is almost as strange as the fact that Planetarium has yet to see The Fountain. It sounds like a movie that's very easy to make fun of, which means that we'll probably like it quite a bit, as art that unabashedly wears its trying-to-change-the-world-love-is-all-you-need-style heart on its sleeve often does. (Unless it's music, in which case there's a likely chance that we'll find it shudderingly bad).
Like Planetarium? Then get us something off of our Amazon wish list, and we'll love you forever. Holiday shopping has definitely gotten easier in the age of the Internets. Friends have been doing "funny" performances lately, which has made us a little nostalgic for the days of comedy when we strode the earth as a Colossus. Ah well. For the time being, grad school will have to continue to fit the bill.
P.S. The post was brought to you in an earnest effort to demonstrate that Planetarium COULD do a PB&J post any time it wanted to - we just usually choose to fill your tme with other antics.
December 5, 2006
pics, for when words fail.
November 20, 2006
Tina Fey is my hero.
Why, you ask? No, not just for Mean Girls and other brilliant work. It's for the best reason reason of all: She called Paris Hilton a piece of shit on national radio.
October 30, 2006
Monday Movie Mashup
So in honor of it being the NIGHT BEFORE HALLOWEEN (spooooky!), we present a smattering of the films we've seen lately, in easy-to-digest capsule-review format. Enjoy!
SAW III: Not bad. But seriously? One of the grossest movies we've ever seen. Seriously, they ramped up the disgusting by a factor of at least 10. No one needs to see brain surgery conducted, ever. Even surgeons. They usually look away while they're doing that shit.
Thank You For Smoking: Overrated. And honestly? We think it might be a little evil. It seems like the kind of smarmy coastal self-congratulatory claptrap that's killing Studio 60. Like, it's a movie for kind of evil people who know that their jobs are kind of evil to pat themselves on the back, have a laugh, and say, "See? We're just good ol' folks like you, average American!" Bet George Bush LOVES this movie.
The Departed: Awesome. Like you didn't already know that. Although when did they pass a law saying that everyone who gets shot in Boston must get shot in the head?
Peeping Tom: A British movie from 1960 that is utterly brilliant. You can't take your eyes off of it. Big ups to this one.
The Prestige: Okay, to be honest, we haven't seen it yet. But we're TOTES going to. Aren't you? The dude who made Batman Begins is pitting Wolverine against Batman! How awesome is that?!?
September 12, 2006
To continue the Hollywood theme...
It would seem that Ben Affleck just may get a new lease on acting life with the rave reviews he's been pulling in for his work as George Reeves in Hollywoodland. While we'll have the review of that film here soon, it seems a lot less notable than the fact that Mr. Affleck just won the Venice Film Fest's best actor award for this role. Scary, or scarily cooool? Answer: just scary. But to make things more fun (because we here at Planetarium are all about the fun) check out this priceless clip from 2004 of a very very drunk Ben Affleck on Canadian TV, doing things that would get most of us slapped VERY hard.
September 6, 2006
Rain, rain...
...go away.
IN other news, there is a distinct lack of interesting movies out right now. Other than The Illusionist, which is looking like it's actually an amazing film, we have been forlornly adding films to our Netflix queue, waiting out the dry spell.
The Crocodile Hunter is in crocodile heaven. Unless that means he'd be in the place where crocodiles go, because he'd likely get totally mauled there. In which case he's just in normal heaven.
We're soliciting new suggestions for the re-naming of the Global War on Terror, as recently announced by some fairly important people. Thoughts?
August 15, 2006
The Fountain
Enjoy the trailer for Darren Aronofsky's latest head trip. It's going to be good. Even better than Bring It On, and that's hard to do.
July 31, 2006
The Departed trailer
This makes us pretty excited for this project. Infernal Affairs, despite the stupid title, was one of the best Hong Kong films of the past decade. And judging from this trailer, this might be Martin Scorcese's best film in a decade, too. The cast is top-notch, and it just looks amazing.
Click here to watch the trailer for The Departed.
July 26, 2006
Who's Been On Vacation???
WE'VE been on vacation!!!
That's right, folks, Planetarium staffers have been relaxing in the Floridian sun, getting nicely tanned, eating some fantastic fish, and playing some serious mini-golf. Hot times, summer in the city. But now we're back, and it's time to get down to business:
The Devil Wears Prada: Fun fun fun. Utterly predictable, wildly trite, and probably as shallow as they come, but MAN was it pretty to look at. And Meryl Streep may be dumb as shit in real life, but she can act circles around almost anyone. For a great Streep double feature we recommend watching this back-to-back with A Prairie Home Companion. She is fantastic.
Pirates 2: Electric Boogaloo: For the first half-hour, we sat there thinking, "Man. This blows." Seriously, one of the worst intros to a film we can think of in recent memory. Once it finally gets going, it's fairly entertaining, but what a letdown after the majesty of the first one. It's at its best when it's light-hearted and cartoony, and the action set pieces approach the giddy goodness of the Indiana Jones movies. Less pompous "dark" storyline, more swordfighting while on a giant spinning wheel.
Lady In the Water: Okay, we admittedly are predisposed to like a movie when everyone in the universe seems to be going out of their way to take a shit on it, but we actually enjoyed this film. It's a fucking children's fairy tale, so stop whining about how unreal it is and wake up to the fact that stupid critics are demanding a more realistic and coherent story from a FUCKING FAIRY TALE. Paul Giamatti is good, Bryce Dallas Howard is cute, and it's a fun little movie. It's weird to be playing defense for M. Night Shyamalan, and yet here we are.
July 11, 2006
NEVER underestimate the magic of makeup.
Ladies and Gentlemen, we present to you.....Eva Longoria:
July 8, 2006
Arrrrrrr.
So someone needs to go see the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie and tell us if its any god. We've been hearing mixed things about it, and while we're dying to see it, we have a required delay on the screening until the week after next. So pease feel free to chime in on the subject, let us know if that whole pirate thing has gotten, like, so TOTALLY old.
In other news, someone told us the other day that they're convinced that Kenneth Lay faked his own death and is now living on an island somewhere in luxury. That would be more compelling if it wasn't for the fact that HE'S DEAD. We like a good conspiracy theory as much as the next cat, but seriously.
July 3, 2006
wow.
here that last entry was all serious and thought-provoking, and now we discover that another contributor, Neil Cumpston, has spelled things out even better:
CON AIRAgain, let’s say you put a bunch of French criminals or British criminals on a plane. Would they even take it over? No, ‘cuz they’re probably only in jail for drinking box wine (the French) or for not putting cream a teacup before the tea ‘cuz it’d stain the porcelain (the British).
We have the best history, the best Grim Reaper, the best high school jock dicks and the BADDEST ASSED BAD GUYS! CON AIR is also the one movie that if you’re a guy and you masturbate to it, you’re DOUBLE not gay. It’s cooler than a shotgun that shoots miniature Jessica Albas that blowjob you to death.
What is America About?
Over at Ain't It Cool News, they asked every single contributor, in honor of the 4th of July, to come up with a list of the top ten films that best desribe America. Now, a lot of the list is pretty silly, but we think this description of King Kong sums things up pretty great. There's a moving speech somewhere in the following paragraph:
KING KONG (1933)
Exploitation. The entire country was built upon it.
Exploitation of the land, the resources, the indigenous peoples, the animals and the people you claimed to be exploiting it all for. To me – this film is a metaphor for the very thing that so often dooms us. Best intentions gone wrong. The dream of capturing something that nobody had ever dared to dream of, and unleashing the nightmare on the world. It’s the A-bomb, Capitalism, Showbiz and the poeticizing of it all. They trap the noble, the truly unique, the magic and the foreign with the promise of the All-American Woman. And then there’s the pomposity to believe that our military engineering and technological advantage will save our “All-American Women” – because we believe we’ll always endure, no matter the size of what we face. In the end, the All-American Woman is meant to be with the All-American Man… And no matter the weight of what we as a country have killed, exploited and destroyed the spirit of… We’ll always have our women and the manufactured heights that we believe we sit upon.
June 29, 2006
Spiderman3 teaser trailer!
Um, how to put this delicately?....
The teaser for the next Spiderman movie looks FUCKING COOL AS HELL.
check it out here.
June 27, 2006
Ahhh, YouTube.
Want to watch the unbelievably old first man on the moon Buzz Aldrin punch some dude in the face?
June 25, 2006
Planetarium Poll
Question, dear readers: Would you want a T-shirt that says this?:
June 19, 2006
Vacations are awesome.
What is the haps my friends?!?!?! We took five days off from blogging due to visitors to Planetarium headquarters who were completely unexpected, and a total surprise to boot! Planetarium staffer Sunnydale was in town meeting the peeps and walking the streets. X-Men: The Last Stand? Yet another surprise - it was good! Who woulda thought? Certainly not Planetarium!
As you might be able to tell from our jaunty demeanor and sexy use of slang, it's a good day here at Planetarium headquarters. We're busily watching Season 1 of Lost, which is surprisingly living up to the hype. Anyone who's curious should most definitely check it out. Elements of Twin Peaks, but weirdly mixed with Survivor or something. Hmmm, our television criticism does not seem up to par with our film analyses.
You know what else is great? Gilmore Girls.
June 11, 2006
Her Face for Our Heart
There's a nifty little essay in the Sunday Times about Catherine Deneuve, and why we can't stop staring at her. She's in a new film by Remy Techine (her fifth with him - if you haven't caught any of them yet, get thee to a video store) and they take the opportunity to do a mini-analysis of her career. Nothing groundbreaking here, but a nice, insightful little read. It's Sunday; be lazy.
June 8, 2006
If you like the feeling of depression...
Feel like having a really bad time? Miss those days when it felt like the world was a pretty hopeless place? Find that jokes get in the way of sadness? Then allow us to point you in the direction of The Break-Up, the latest Vaughniston-starring that is honestly begging the question, Why the hell was this movie made? Really, the whole film seems to be intent on showing that when two people who have been together for a long time and really love each other break up, it's well, fucking unpleasant as well. If they really wanted to translate that feeling to the movie-watching experience, well, kudos: mission acomplished.
For the rest of us, we're left wondering who the hell would want to see that? It wasn't fun when it happened to us, it wasn't fun when it happened to our friends, and the idea that we would want to go through the whole process again, sans humor, in a tightly compressed two hours is mind-boggling. Perhaps next we can all re-live the experience of a loved one's funeral. That should be gangbusters at the box office.
On the other hand, thank God for Dead Like Me. Mandy Patinkin really brings his A game to this series. Pick it up on DVD at participating stores near you.
June 5, 2006
also-
we know a lot of the previous entries are missing from the site right now, hence creating the false impression that there were no updates between may 12 and today. They'll be reinstalled soon, have no fear.
May 12, 2006
FUCKING BULLSHIT.
The comments function is still broken. It's been for-fucking-ever. It's been over a week since people could leave comments, and we are getting pissed. B. Alec tried to leave a bunch of no doubt caustic and funny replies to our last post, and he was prevented. This switch to a new server cannot come quickly enough. Hey, host server - get some fucking balls, brah. You suck shit. Love, Planetarium
May 11, 2006
Superficial vs. The Superficial
Apologies to Planetarium friend B. Alec, but The Superficial is supplanting Superficial Blog as our favorite site primarily designated by the word "Superficial." What with its wonderful ability to be extremely mean to celebrities in a very funny way, and its regularly updating mon-fri, we are somewhat falling in love with it. Just check out a recent fave, wherein Ashlee Simpson are Paris Hilton are both slammed in one tidy swoop:
"With her new nose and giant sunglasses Ashlee Simpson is starting to look suspiciously a lot like Paris Hilton. Although if she's planning to take her identity and inherit her fortune, she's gonna have to work on looking less like she just saw a unicorn dancing on a rainbow, and more like she thinks poor people should be ground into soap and used to wash her car."
The blog might give it a run for its money if it was updated, say, more than once a month. Just sayin'.
May 9, 2006
Poseidon, on the other hand...
Hey folks, anyone considering going to see Poseidon this weekend might want to head over and check out the review of it that just went up over at Ain't It Cool News. It sums up nicely whether you'll enjoy it or not (hint: if you enjoy using your brain, you will not), but it's also got a great list of "Survival Tactics learned by watching Poseidon" that are pretty awesome. For example:
1) In the event of an emergency do not, I repeat, do not heed the advice of the captain or person of authority nearest you. They will only get you killed. They clearly have no clue what to do under dangerous circumstances of any kind, and while willing to die for their profession, are only eager to do so if they can take as many people with them as possible.2) Once you have avoided the advice of the aforementioned authority figure, seek out the nearest adventurous white person you can find. Theyll know what to do. Little Known Fun Fact: White men are actually given special classes in disaster training (usually during high school), and should always be trusted in these matters.
So let us know if you end up seeing it, and what you think of it, because we're frankly curious. We still refuse to watch Titanic on general principle, but we caught the last 40 minutes of it on TV the other day, and maaaaaan... it's really fun to watch that boat sink.
May 8, 2006
Here's Something You Already Knew.
So, in the category of things you already know if either A) you read this blog regularly or B) are in possession of half a brain, we can tell you that Mission: Impossible III is pretty awesome. That J.J. Abrams fellow, he may not know how to end a movie very well, but man, he can sure put together some great action scenes. And, of course, Phillip Seymour Hoffman does bad guy better than just about anyone. And how can that music not kind of make you excited? Unless you're soulless, of course. In which case - bigger fish to fry than seeing a movie, we suppose.
April 25, 2006
Tarnation
This was a pretty good movie. Planetarium gives it two thumbs up; it's not amazing by any stretch, but it's better than most. We saw it a couple days ago, and it seems to be sticking in the mind. Very sad, but very worthwhile. Realism meets neorealism meets NYC. Check it out if you're up for something different.
April 23, 2006
The Out-of-Towners
Yep, we were out of town this weekend, sorry for the break in postings. However, you know that the new Springsteen is coming out this week, which should have you pretty pumped, and also, Silent Hill was released this weekend. Far from the typical past 30 lookalike horror films, this one is a surrealistic nightmare-esque beauty, hearkening back to the Italian giallo horror films of the 70s. Things aren't all explained away, some things don't seem to make sense, it's like you're stuck in a ....dream. Which we're sure is exactly what director Christopher Gans was going for. It's all in a heightened state of reality, which the average idiot will likely be confused by and chalk it up to bad acting, but that's really the point. Like when you do things in a bad dream that you don't WANT to do, but you can't help yourself from moving forward. And it don't waste any time: THIRTY SECONDS in, when a little girl is getting ready to jump off a cliff, you pretty much think:
GAME ON, MOTHERFUCKER!
So go support an intelligent, strange, twisted arty horror film- so they won't make Alien Vs. Predator 2, with any luck.
April 19, 2006
MI:3 is going to be awesome.
And here's the article to prove it. Seriously, we don't care how batshit-crazy Tom Cruise is. Most good actors are fucking nuts. Daniel Day-Lewis? Out of his mind. Val Kilmer? Crazier than a treeful of howler monkeys. So frankly, who gives a shit? The point is, this movie is going to be an amazing classic-style pop spy flick that hearkens back to the days of Sean Connery and The Parallax View. Color us excited. J.J. Abrams keeps getting more impressive.
You don't believe us. That's fine. We'll see who's laughing in two weeks. We should get paid for these kind of predictions, really.
April 18, 2006
Brick is a good movie.
For real. That Joseph Gordon-Levitt kid can act. It sure didn't seem like it back when he was on Third Rock from the Sun, but apparently that show didn't let him use his chops, because he is really good in this. Also, the whole high school-as-film-noir concept could've gotten really trite and precious, but they sell it totally straight here, and as a result it comes across pretty damn good. Also, their choice of femme fatale rocks. Check it out, we're pretty sure it opens wide-release finally this coming weekend.
April 16, 2006
Indietits
My favorite new cartoon:
April 14, 2006
Whatever You do this Weekend...
Please don't go see Scary Movie 4. Help this wheezing franchise of pain and stale jokes die the brutal death it deserves.
Why not check out the new Nicole Holofcener flick Friends With Money? Eh? Come on, you know you like art-house Aniston. Who didn't enjoy The Good Girl?
April 13, 2006
Dammit!
We were really on a roll there - an update every weekday for the past two weeks straight! Well, now that THAT's been shot to shit, we'lll just have to give up any hope of winning a "Bloggie". Which, for the record, let us just emphasize that it's the dumbest fucking thing on the face of the Earth to give people awards for blogging. It's like rewarding someone for passing chlamydia to the largest number of people - you shouldn't be proud of it, and it CERTAINLY should not be encouraged.
Kind of akin to those punk rock morons who tell kids to go home after the show and start their own bands; it's like, thanks, asshole, like there aren't enough shitty bands in the world already, you've gotta try and create more. NOTE TO PLANETARIUM READERS: DO NOT START A BAND.
In other news, Child Protection Services showed up at Britney and K-Fag's house the other day. Why, you ask? Turns out that Baby Assface had been actying woozy and out-of-it for a couple days, so they took her to the doctor and it turned out she had a fucking skull fracture. From falling out of her high chair or some shit. And three days went by. Can't imagine why Child Protection showed up. Maybe to give them a Bloggie?
April 10, 2006
You Know What's Really Fucked Up?
Haley Joel Osment turns 18 today. Yep, that little bastard from The Sixth Sense is legally old enough to smoke. We'll be checking into a rest home later on this week.
April 5, 2006
Something's Fishy
Scientists Call Fish Fossil, 375 Million Years Old, 'Missing Link':
Scientists have discovered fossils of a 375 million-year-old fish, a large scaly creature not seen before, that they say is a long-sought "missing link" in the evolution of some fishes from water to a life walking on four limbs on land.
Hmph. Sounds like some "scientists" are getting a leeeetle bit desperate in their frantic efforts to refute the all-powerful nature of our Lord and almighty Creator!
April 3, 2006
Drag.
We're very sorry to report the new new film Slither was a little disappointing. Very sad, considering the top pedigree of star Nathan Fillion, who deserved to be the new Harrison Ford so long ago it's not even funny. Not only that, but this is pretty much the ONLY horror film of the year to get all-around good reviews (the fucking New York Times recommended it, for God's sake), AND the first horror film of the year to do poorly at the box office. Nice work, American film-goers: avoid the smart ones and keep seeing shit like The Fog. We're going to go throw up in our mouths a little.
March 29, 2006
Darn.
Planetarium's a little irked about not yet getting a chance to see the new super-dork horror film, Stay Alive, about a - brace yourself - video game that kills you...IF YOU DIE IN THE GAME! Mu-ah! The possibility of seeing Frankie Muniz, that little bastard from Malcolm in the Middle, meet his maker on the pointy end of a vengeful demon's spear, is pretty tempting. Too busy to see it yet, but first chance we get...
March 28, 2006
just a quick note today
The T-Rex is really funny today. We love our daily dino comics:
March 22, 2006
Woot wooot!
Planetarium would just to take a moment to point out how difficult it can be to maintain a blog that is dedicated to NOT sharing any details of ho-hum everyday life with you all. Other blogs, when they feel listless and uninspired, will simply barf up some mundane, execrable minutiae from their everyday life that no one needs to hear. Not so with us. We keep our ears to the rhythms of the Superweb, and only post when there is cultural, political, or musical goings-on worth letting you in on. That shit ain't easy to do on a daily basis, because, let's face it, there's a lot of boring culture out there. Tough to find the good stuff. Cherish it when it appears.
So why aren't you watching Veronica Mars right now?
March 11, 2006
Aja? Thumbs up.
So tonight Planetarium was lucky enough to get to see The Hills Have Eyes this evening in a fairly crowded theater. There is an art to reading between the lines of horror film reviews: when critics mentioned not liking this or that in the film, instead of just panning it, you can usually apply a scale of interpretation to what they're talking about and determine whether or not it's a good movie. That was the case here. (Although, it got a wildly enthusiastic thumbs-up from the NYTimes, so you never know.) But, as always, one of the best reasons to see a horror film opening weekend is because nothing beats the collective energy of an audience watching a great nightmare unfold. The setup seemed so grim for the protagonists, that about halfway through the film, when an unexpected attack on the bad guys occurs, everyone in the theater burst into applause. The sense of unity, of going through this experience together really ratchets up the enjoyment of the film.
But that's not all: Eyes boasts a fascinating and well-done style of spaghetti western that's woven into itself. The last 30 minutes almost seem like they were written and directed by Sergio Leone with an Ennio Morricone score, which obviously added to the enthusiasm we all felt. It was a clever move, and something Planetarium hasn't seen lately in the glut of American horror films crowding the market. Also, there was some pretty blatant symbolism and meaning in the film, that while obvious on one level, has a bunch of layers that we're still unpacking. After all, when a guy grabs an american flag and shoves the stick through the throat of a mutant, you don't have to be Laura Mulvey to get the symbol. BUT- when it's done by the guy whose character background is basically "wimpy Democrat", and the mutant in quesation is actually a guy who the US government deformed in the Los Altos nuclear testing of the 50s, well, now we're off to the races.
The Hills Have Eyes was directed by Alexandre Aja, the man responsible for the pile of excrement known as High Tension. He's redeemed himself completely, we're happy to report, and Planetarium eagerly anticipates his next offering.
March 6, 2006
Dino comics
February 28, 2006
Steve Buscemi makes movies, too
Click here to see the trailer to Lonesome Jim, the latest "comedic" directorial effort from Mr. Pink. Busecmi's actually pretty good, too- his last film Trees Lounge, was a sharp character study. Although the trailer kind of looks he saw Jersey Girl and went, "Hey, I could make this movie a THOUSAND time better- and I'll even keep the same girl!" Also, Norah Labiner fans take note: the homage to dead writers suggests Mr. Buscemi may love a certain Minneapolis-based genius.
February 24, 2006
Weekend Time
Have a good weekend. The Malachi Constant will be rocking out.
February 22, 2006
Exclamations!
Just noticed the repetition. We'll try to avoid that in the future.
Sleepless!
DON'T MISS the trailer for the new horror film Sleepless In Seattle!!! Starring Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan! It'll scare you silly!
February 19, 2006
Did we mention yet...
that Veronica Mars is the greatest thing on television right now?!?!?! SO GOOD!!!!!! Talk about tightly plotted, well-written, and FUNNY! This show is basically everything the fucking O.C. WISHES it was. Do yourself a favor. Rent the DVDs of Season 1 and GET ON THE TRAIN. It's leaving the station people, and you will feel dumb if you pass it up now, and then later, when you see it and realize how amazing it is, you'll kick yourself for having passed on it at the time.
Also, there's a great dialogue on the City Pages site about the future of arthouse theaters, and the state of the filmgoing experience, that any true cineaste should check out.
February 17, 2006
Two Trailers today
First one is for a movie we're all pretty excited about, it's the new trailer for Linklater's upcoming A Scanner Darkly, which looks like it just might own you.
Second, we've got something you may have already seen, but we urge you to take another look. The thing is, trailers aren't movies. They're two completely different things. There've been great movies with piss-poor trailers, and vice-versa, so just get used to that fact. That being said, you may hate Tom Cruise, you might dislike action movies in general, but reall,y we would be shocked and think there was something wrong with you if you don't think that the trailer J.J. Abrams has put together for Mission: Impossible III is very, VERY well-done. Check it out.
February 13, 2006
Wow. Delay.
We know, it's been too long. Sorry for the weekend delay. But in exchange, we present you with the trailer for Dave Chappelle's BLOCK PARTY!
Dunno if you saw his interview with Oprah or not, but our respect for the man has actually GROWN post-freakout. He sounds like he's extremely aware of the cultural issues he was coming up against- but this trailer basically just looks cool. And he got Michael Gondry to film it, which is also amazing.
February 8, 2006
Wow.
Good ol' Diablo really outdid herself today. Click on the link, and treat yourself to her take on today's current celebrity couples. One of my favorites:
Lance Armstrong and Sheryl Crow: Technically, they're an un-couple as of this weekend. I'm betting his children spooked her away. Can you imagine being the stepmom to precious blonde Miracle Twins conceived using frozen spunk from Daddy's doomed scrotum? It would totally suck. Sheryl was probably like "Girls, could you pick up your Legos? I almost tripped just now." And the Miracle Twins were all "We don't have to pick up anything. We're Daddy's life-affirming spunkdumplings and you're just a Grammy-winning adult contemporary artist." You'd run too. Good luck, Sheryl.
Crispin Glover lovers, unite!
From today's Ain't It Cool News:
"In 2007 Robert Zemeckis is releasing his next film, an adaptation of BEOWULF that was scripted by Roger Avary and Neil Gaiman. The cast includes Crispin Glover as the monstrous Grendel (the first time Glover has reteamed with Zemeckis since all that bad blood surrounding BACK TO THE FUTURE 2), Ray Winstone as Beowulf, Angelina Jolie as the demonic mother of Grendel, Anthony Hopkins as the King being tormented by Grendel. Also in the cast is Brendan Gleeson, Alison Lohman, John Malkovich and Robin Wright Penn."
Click here for the full story.
February 6, 2006
In case you missed it...
The Beast list of the 50 Worst People of the year is really, really good. Example:
25. Paris Hilton
Charges: Wont go away. A head so empty, the rails of coke that sustain her must dissipate in clouds around her ears; this residual high the only explanation anyone would come within five feet of her. Brainless, her spinal cord defies physics, like an Indian rope trick. Her Carls Jr. commercial, while an uninspired approximation of eroticism, was still hotter than her actual "sex" tape, in which she only made noise when she wasnt screwingthats not hot. Squints inexplicably for photo ops, suggesting even minimal focus is beyond her. Her continued success as a celebrity famous for nothing, despite the eerie resemblance she bears to the inbred banjoist from Deliverance and a lack of talent so profound that others become duller as they approach her, indicates that something is fundamentally wrong with humanity.
It's a late-January posting here. Check it out.
it was only a matter of time.
This one is for Planetarium staffer Brunansky: Chewbacca has a blog.
Click here for Chewy's blog.
February 5, 2006
yikes.
That previous post is awful. You SEE what this party has done to our brain? It's reduced the mighty Planetarium to a goddamn diary blog. Tomorrow: back to no-nonsense links and info, enough of this day-to-day crap.
it's frustrating...
...to log in and have two hundred comments posted from someone named "sex thumbnails." They must have gotten made fun of ALL THE TIME growing up, probably in some town with a name like Hooterville.
So Planetarium threw a party last night. Apparently it was fairly successful, because we woke up today at around 4 pm with a pounding head and the sudden realization that we had somehow managed to drink EVERY beer in New York City the preceding evening. As well as some vodka. And whiskey. And at some point there may have been orange sherbert margaritas involved. Also, upon awakening it was discovered that on the computer desk there was a large hide-bound copy of T.S. Eliot's The Wasteland. We don't OWN a copy of The Wasteland. Unsettling? Perhaps a little. This was followed by five hours of minimal movement, save to get water refills, use the restroom, and get the various remotes needed in order to watch Veronica Mars (now on DVD!) from a comfortable position. It is extremely rare that we feel that thrashed from an evening of drinking. The best part of being old people now is that you feel quite justified whenever you have a hangover: "Not a kid any more!" et. al.......
Our lovely friend Melissa brought a present of a mix CD for us, with an amazing trajectory of songs from artists that usually annoy us (paging: The Mountain Goats) but whom Melissa has the incredible knack of somehow picking the one great track from each one of them and blending into a sublime aural experience. That last sentence should not be read with any irony, either, which is admittedly hard but w/r/t the whole sublime-experience hoohah we suggest at least giving it a good try. Planetarium's stupid people-reviews-humor piece was published in Canon magazine this past week, and as usual when anything is published of ours, this involves trying to pretend we are someone else whenever the topic arises. Tomorrow: more gym, more reading. Possibly a break for orange sherbert, which we have somehow developed a hankering for.
February 1, 2006
It begins.....
Courtesy of Redheat:
Good times.
January 29, 2006
OWNED!!!
for the geeks...we're trying something new....PICTURES!!!
(the expression on the little dog's face is priceless)
January 28, 2006
hmph.
So Planetarium gets to the gym tonight, around quarter to 9. Walks up, pulls the handle. It's locked. This doesn't really register. We step back, and take a look at the front of the gym. "OPEN 24 HOURS!" screams the giant aluminum lettering. We step back in, and try the handle again. Still locked. A guy inside sees us, comes to the door, unlocks it, and says "We're closed on Saturdays and Sundays from 8 pm until 8 am the next morning." We point at the BIG FUCKING SIGN THAT SAYS OPEN ALWAYS. He looks at it and says, "yeah, well..." as he slowly closes the door in our face.
We should sue for false advertising.
January 25, 2006
The 50 Most Loathsome People in America
It's a pretty good list, though color us baffled as to why Paris is only at #25.
January 21, 2006
Current Weather:
63 and cloudy. This is the weirdest January ever.
January 20, 2006
Silent Hill trailer online
This one looks pretty fun. "Bout time they started following the formula that's been working wonders for the superhero genre: Hire a good indie writer, hire a good indie director, and voila! Your ostensibly rinky-dink b-horror film suddenly gets a hell of a lot better.
January 19, 2006
Sometimes nerds are really funny.
So, today over at Ain't It Cool News it was announced by George Lucas that the last Indiana Jones movie will be coming out in 2007, and that Harrison Ford is donning that hat and whip one last time. Now, it only took about three seconds for the talkback forum to start filling up with suggested titles for the new movie, and as the follow list demonstrates, dorks can be pretty entertaining when they put their minds to it (I'm a particularly big fan of the Canasta one):
Indiana Jones and the Earring of Mid-Life Crisis
Indiana Jones and the Man Boobs from Hell
Indiana Jones and the Mystical Walker of Moses
Indiana Jones and the Embarrassment of Erectile Dysfunction...
Raiders of the Social Security Lockbox
Didn't they already MAKE Indy 4? Wasn't it called Bubba Ho-Tep?
Indiana Jones and the Lost Roth IRA Account
click below for loads more...
January 18, 2006
Daily Grind
Current Weather: 54 degrees and rainy, with some potent winds.
Translation: your umbrella is useless.
However, it's supposed to get all sunny and nice in the afternoon, so give it up for bizarre January weather. Is Delay in jail yet or what?
January 14, 2006
WORST OF 2005- PRELUDE TO THE BEST!
As a small appetizer before the best-of lists roll in, we thought it might be nice to offer a sampling of the year's worst films- the movies of 2005 that made us want to cry. Not from joy, not from sadness, but from the incontrovertible fact that we had two hours of our life stripped away from us by an unqualified pile of steaming dogshit. Again, as always, these highly subjective lists reflect the attitude of the Planetarium offices ALONE, and in no way represent your own highly suspect tastes.
DISCLAIMER: This list is not meant to cover all of the worst of 2005, simply the worst we've seen. In other words, it's usually pretty easy to dodge the biggest turds flying out of Hollywood and aiming for your face. Thus, this list lacks the blatantly obvious "worst films" chart-toppers like Cheaper by the Dozen 2, Elektra, Son of the Mask, and The Pacifier, just to name a few. If you didn't know better than to stay away from these in the first place, then we have pity on your soul. (We would've included Alone in the Dark on that list as well, but we've been assured that Tara Reid's turn as a paleontologist/sexpot librarian is one of the most howlingly funny, so-bad-it's-great roles in quite some time. You heard us: Tara Reid as a sexy paleontologist.)
3. Cry Wolf. Someone should be shot for all the false hype this movie got. Making our top three almost entirely as a result of being a film that in no way shape, or form lived up to its promise and advance word-of-mouth (see: Blair Witch Project). this movie bombed its potential so bad we just had to give it special attention. The tale of three backpackers who get stranded in the Australian outback may be misogynist, but that's not really the point. This movie is the death knell of the recent glut of "grittily realistic" horror films. Essentially snuff films in disguise, these movies do little for anyone except those who really enjoy seeing people get tortured. I guess for those people, this film is probably on their best-of list. Anyhoo.
2. Must Love Dogs. This movie was so bad it gave us stomach cramps. While much of the reason it makes such a high point on our worst list can be attributed to John Cusack's presence (John, oh dear, John: you used to be such a reliable barometer of whether or not a movie would be good. We even forgave that lovable smirk for the yawn that was Identity. But you have become the go-to guy for shitty movies, John, and that is unforgivable. You are officially wiped from the cool board.), even unpleasant dreck like Casanova is at least respectably delivered with a modicum of embarrassment from the performers and director. But this film, from it's opening "We're a big crazy family with inseparable sisters and a man-lovin' gay brother!" to the intended SERIOUS delivery of an Auden poem halfway through, to the paint-by-numbers ending, this film contains the worst of everything about Hollywood movie-making, and is reason alone for Diane Lane's execution when the revolution comes.
1. Fantastic Four. Someday, when I am much older, I will eventually come to the point where I am no longer interested in the world at large. Technology will have long surpassed my ability to comprehend it. Teenagers will frighten me, and I will begin coming up with excuses to never leave my house. I will resent the aches and pains my body causes me, and as a result of forgetfulness I will not keep in contact with the few friends I have remaining. Life will no longer be a place of happiness for me. And when this day comes, when this final moment of true clarity arrives, wherein I can no longer justify my attitude towards the world nor my place in it, I will clean my home one last time, sit down in my den, load a shotgun with a single bullet, place the barrell in my mouth, and splattter my brains all over my prized DVD copy of Fantastic Four.
January 7, 2006
Coming up to it
SO, we've been getting our lists together, starting with the movies, and feeling a little bit unprepared this year, since two of the most contentious films in play (The Chronicles of Narnia and King Kong)has still not been viewed by Planetarium. Oops. We know, we know, we're dropping the ball here. But hopefully the situation will be rectified before we put up the best of 2005 list. After all, even if we end up hating it, you can't really ignore a 200-ton gorilla, can you? Of course you can't.
In other news, the best albums of 2005 is coming together nicely, though it's looking more and more like it might split into a "best songs" and "best albums" dichotomy, which is fine with us.
Oh, we took a chance and saw another episode of "The O.C." the other day. That shit blows.
January 3, 2006
Off to a whimper
We're sorry to report that the first theater-going experience of the new year was a bit of a letdown. Wolf Creek, the film that has inexplicably been garnering quite positive reviews from geeks while being panned in the mainstream press, has the dubious distinction of being one of those rare horror films where the clueless big fishes got it right, and the fans wrong. The film fails in the only thing required of horror films: being scary for even a minute. It's grisly, brutal, and realistic. BO-RING! Snuff films masquerading as horror is so five minutes ago dot com.
December 25, 2005
Happy day.
To those of you for whom it's a thing, Merry Christmas. To those of you for whom it isn't, have a nice day off/holiday/festive day at work/et al.
Planetarium got the Born to Run 30th Anniversary edition. It rules.