Planetarium - politics/music/culture/smarts

Posted by alex at 4:42 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

The holidays are here again, and unlike most jobs, that mmeans Planetarium will actually be MORE likely to post more than once a week. That's how we do things here in Awesomeville. Anyway, the gift-giving time is upon us, which means it's again behoven upon us to get some rad stuff for other people. Here at Planetarium offices getting other people something incredibly awesome is usually easy, since it merely involves an autographed picture of us. However, this year we are mixing it up a little and debating perhaps just posting an autographed picture of ourselves up on the site to save both time and money. But then again, we don't want to crash the Internet. This sight of us has been known to automatically set computers on fire from the sheer radness.

Posted by alex at 1:18 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Which is DEEPLY unsettling, frankly. Regardless, it's almost the middle of December, and still quite unseasonably warm here in the remote outback of New York City. The lack of snow is almost as strange as the fact that Planetarium has yet to see The Fountain. It sounds like a movie that's very easy to make fun of, which means that we'll probably like it quite a bit, as art that unabashedly wears its trying-to-change-the-world-love-is-all-you-need-style heart on its sleeve often does. (Unless it's music, in which case there's a likely chance that we'll find it shudderingly bad).

Like Planetarium? Then get us something off of our Amazon wish list, and we'll love you forever. Holiday shopping has definitely gotten easier in the age of the Internets. Friends have been doing "funny" performances lately, which has made us a little nostalgic for the days of comedy when we strode the earth as a Colossus. Ah well. For the time being, grad school will have to continue to fit the bill.

P.S. The post was brought to you in an earnest effort to demonstrate that Planetarium COULD do a PB&J post any time it wanted to - we just usually choose to fill your tme with other antics.

Posted by alex at 3:58 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Posted by alex at 4:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Why, you ask? No, not just for Mean Girls and other brilliant work. It's for the best reason reason of all: She called Paris Hilton a piece of shit on national radio.

Posted by alex at 2:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

So in honor of it being the NIGHT BEFORE HALLOWEEN (spooooky!), we present a smattering of the films we've seen lately, in easy-to-digest capsule-review format. Enjoy!

SAW III: Not bad. But seriously? One of the grossest movies we've ever seen. Seriously, they ramped up the disgusting by a factor of at least 10. No one needs to see brain surgery conducted, ever. Even surgeons. They usually look away while they're doing that shit.

Thank You For Smoking: Overrated. And honestly? We think it might be a little evil. It seems like the kind of smarmy coastal self-congratulatory claptrap that's killing Studio 60. Like, it's a movie for kind of evil people who know that their jobs are kind of evil to pat themselves on the back, have a laugh, and say, "See? We're just good ol' folks like you, average American!" Bet George Bush LOVES this movie.

The Departed: Awesome. Like you didn't already know that. Although when did they pass a law saying that everyone who gets shot in Boston must get shot in the head?

Peeping Tom: A British movie from 1960 that is utterly brilliant. You can't take your eyes off of it. Big ups to this one.

The Prestige: Okay, to be honest, we haven't seen it yet. But we're TOTES going to. Aren't you? The dude who made Batman Begins is pitting Wolverine against Batman! How awesome is that?!?

Posted by alex at 5:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

It would seem that Ben Affleck just may get a new lease on acting life with the rave reviews he's been pulling in for his work as George Reeves in Hollywoodland. While we'll have the review of that film here soon, it seems a lot less notable than the fact that Mr. Affleck just won the Venice Film Fest's best actor award for this role. Scary, or scarily cooool? Answer: just scary. But to make things more fun (because we here at Planetarium are all about the fun) check out this priceless clip from 2004 of a very very drunk Ben Affleck on Canadian TV, doing things that would get most of us slapped VERY hard.

Posted by alex at 2:53 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

...go away.

IN other news, there is a distinct lack of interesting movies out right now. Other than The Illusionist, which is looking like it's actually an amazing film, we have been forlornly adding films to our Netflix queue, waiting out the dry spell.

The Crocodile Hunter is in crocodile heaven. Unless that means he'd be in the place where crocodiles go, because he'd likely get totally mauled there. In which case he's just in normal heaven.

We're soliciting new suggestions for the re-naming of the Global War on Terror, as recently announced by some fairly important people. Thoughts?

Posted by alex at 9:51 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Enjoy the trailer for Darren Aronofsky's latest head trip. It's going to be good. Even better than Bring It On, and that's hard to do.

Posted by alex at 9:56 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

This makes us pretty excited for this project. Infernal Affairs, despite the stupid title, was one of the best Hong Kong films of the past decade. And judging from this trailer, this might be Martin Scorcese's best film in a decade, too. The cast is top-notch, and it just looks amazing.

Click here to watch the trailer for The Departed.

Posted by alex at 12:13 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

WE'VE been on vacation!!!
That's right, folks, Planetarium staffers have been relaxing in the Floridian sun, getting nicely tanned, eating some fantastic fish, and playing some serious mini-golf. Hot times, summer in the city. But now we're back, and it's time to get down to business:
The Devil Wears Prada: Fun fun fun. Utterly predictable, wildly trite, and probably as shallow as they come, but MAN was it pretty to look at. And Meryl Streep may be dumb as shit in real life, but she can act circles around almost anyone. For a great Streep double feature we recommend watching this back-to-back with A Prairie Home Companion. She is fantastic.
Pirates 2: Electric Boogaloo: For the first half-hour, we sat there thinking, "Man. This blows." Seriously, one of the worst intros to a film we can think of in recent memory. Once it finally gets going, it's fairly entertaining, but what a letdown after the majesty of the first one. It's at its best when it's light-hearted and cartoony, and the action set pieces approach the giddy goodness of the Indiana Jones movies. Less pompous "dark" storyline, more swordfighting while on a giant spinning wheel.
Lady In the Water: Okay, we admittedly are predisposed to like a movie when everyone in the universe seems to be going out of their way to take a shit on it, but we actually enjoyed this film. It's a fucking children's fairy tale, so stop whining about how unreal it is and wake up to the fact that stupid critics are demanding a more realistic and coherent story from a FUCKING FAIRY TALE. Paul Giamatti is good, Bryce Dallas Howard is cute, and it's a fun little movie. It's weird to be playing defense for M. Night Shyamalan, and yet here we are.

Posted by alex at 3:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Ladies and Gentlemen, we present to you.....Eva Longoria:

Posted by alex at 2:51 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

So someone needs to go see the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie and tell us if its any god. We've been hearing mixed things about it, and while we're dying to see it, we have a required delay on the screening until the week after next. So pease feel free to chime in on the subject, let us know if that whole pirate thing has gotten, like, so TOTALLY old.

In other news, someone told us the other day that they're convinced that Kenneth Lay faked his own death and is now living on an island somewhere in luxury. That would be more compelling if it wasn't for the fact that HE'S DEAD. We like a good conspiracy theory as much as the next cat, but seriously.

Posted by alex at 1:26 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

here that last entry was all serious and thought-provoking, and now we discover that another contributor, Neil Cumpston, has spelled things out even better:

CON AIR

Again, let’s say you put a bunch of French criminals or British criminals on a plane. Would they even take it over? No, ‘cuz they’re probably only in jail for drinking box wine (the French) or for not putting cream a teacup before the tea ‘cuz it’d stain the porcelain (the British).
We have the best history, the best Grim Reaper, the best high school jock dicks and the BADDEST ASSED BAD GUYS! CON AIR is also the one movie that if you’re a guy and you masturbate to it, you’re DOUBLE not gay. It’s cooler than a shotgun that shoots miniature Jessica Albas that blowjob you to death.

Posted by alex at 5:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Over at Ain't It Cool News, they asked every single contributor, in honor of the 4th of July, to come up with a list of the top ten films that best desribe America. Now, a lot of the list is pretty silly, but we think this description of King Kong sums things up pretty great. There's a moving speech somewhere in the following paragraph:

KING KONG (1933)
Exploitation. The entire country was built upon it.
Exploitation of the land, the resources, the indigenous peoples, the animals and the people you claimed to be exploiting it all for. To me – this film is a metaphor for the very thing that so often dooms us. Best intentions gone wrong. The dream of capturing something that nobody had ever dared to dream of, and unleashing the nightmare on the world. It’s the A-bomb, Capitalism, Showbiz and the poeticizing of it all. They trap the noble, the truly unique, the magic and the foreign with the promise of the All-American Woman. And then there’s the pomposity to believe that our military engineering and technological advantage will save our “All-American Women” – because we believe we’ll always endure, no matter the size of what we face. In the end, the All-American Woman is meant to be with the All-American Man… And no matter the weight of what we as a country have killed, exploited and destroyed the spirit of… We’ll always have our women and the manufactured heights that we believe we sit upon.

Posted by alex at 4:56 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Um, how to put this delicately?....

The teaser for the next Spiderman movie looks FUCKING COOL AS HELL.

check it out here.

Posted by alex at 12:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Want to watch the unbelievably old first man on the moon Buzz Aldrin punch some dude in the face?

SURE YOU DO!

Posted by alex at 11:58 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Question, dear readers: Would you want a T-shirt that says this?:

Posted by alex at 2:56 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

What is the haps my friends?!?!?! We took five days off from blogging due to visitors to Planetarium headquarters who were completely unexpected, and a total surprise to boot! Planetarium staffer Sunnydale was in town meeting the peeps and walking the streets. X-Men: The Last Stand? Yet another surprise - it was good! Who woulda thought? Certainly not Planetarium!

As you might be able to tell from our jaunty demeanor and sexy use of slang, it's a good day here at Planetarium headquarters. We're busily watching Season 1 of Lost, which is surprisingly living up to the hype. Anyone who's curious should most definitely check it out. Elements of Twin Peaks, but weirdly mixed with Survivor or something. Hmmm, our television criticism does not seem up to par with our film analyses.

You know what else is great? Gilmore Girls.

Posted by alex at 2:19 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

There's a nifty little essay in the Sunday Times about Catherine Deneuve, and why we can't stop staring at her. She's in a new film by Remy Techine (her fifth with him - if you haven't caught any of them yet, get thee to a video store) and they take the opportunity to do a mini-analysis of her career. Nothing groundbreaking here, but a nice, insightful little read. It's Sunday; be lazy.

Posted by alex at 2:04 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Feel like having a really bad time? Miss those days when it felt like the world was a pretty hopeless place? Find that jokes get in the way of sadness? Then allow us to point you in the direction of The Break-Up, the latest Vaughniston-starring that is honestly begging the question, Why the hell was this movie made? Really, the whole film seems to be intent on showing that when two people who have been together for a long time and really love each other break up, it's well, fucking unpleasant as well. If they really wanted to translate that feeling to the movie-watching experience, well, kudos: mission acomplished.

For the rest of us, we're left wondering who the hell would want to see that? It wasn't fun when it happened to us, it wasn't fun when it happened to our friends, and the idea that we would want to go through the whole process again, sans humor, in a tightly compressed two hours is mind-boggling. Perhaps next we can all re-live the experience of a loved one's funeral. That should be gangbusters at the box office.

On the other hand, thank God for Dead Like Me. Mandy Patinkin really brings his A game to this series. Pick it up on DVD at participating stores near you.

Posted by alex at 9:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

we know a lot of the previous entries are missing from the site right now, hence creating the false impression that there were no updates between may 12 and today. They'll be reinstalled soon, have no fear.

Posted by alex at 10:59 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

The comments function is still broken. It's been for-fucking-ever. It's been over a week since people could leave comments, and we are getting pissed. B. Alec tried to leave a bunch of no doubt caustic and funny replies to our last post, and he was prevented. This switch to a new server cannot come quickly enough. Hey, host server - get some fucking balls, brah. You suck shit. Love, Planetarium

Posted by alex at 12:13 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Apologies to Planetarium friend B. Alec, but The Superficial is supplanting Superficial Blog as our favorite site primarily designated by the word "Superficial." What with its wonderful ability to be extremely mean to celebrities in a very funny way, and its regularly updating mon-fri, we are somewhat falling in love with it. Just check out a recent fave, wherein Ashlee Simpson are Paris Hilton are both slammed in one tidy swoop:

"With her new nose and giant sunglasses Ashlee Simpson is starting to look suspiciously a lot like Paris Hilton. Although if she's planning to take her identity and inherit her fortune, she's gonna have to work on looking less like she just saw a unicorn dancing on a rainbow, and more like she thinks poor people should be ground into soap and used to wash her car."

Posted by alex at 2:46 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Hey folks, anyone considering going to see Poseidon this weekend might want to head over and check out the review of it that just went up over at Ain't It Cool News. It sums up nicely whether you'll enjoy it or not (hint: if you enjoy using your brain, you will not), but it's also got a great list of "Survival Tactics learned by watching Poseidon" that are pretty awesome. For example:

1) In the event of an emergency do not, I repeat, do not heed the advice of the captain or person of authority nearest you. They will only get you killed. They clearly have no clue what to do under dangerous circumstances of any kind, and while willing to die for their profession, are only eager to do so if they can take as many people with them as possible.

2) Once you have avoided the advice of the aforementioned authority figure, seek out the nearest adventurous white person you can find. They�ll know what to do. Little Known Fun Fact: White men are actually given special classes in disaster training (usually during high school), and should always be trusted in these matters.

So let us know if you end up seeing it, and what you think of it, because we're frankly curious. We still refuse to watch Titanic on general principle, but we caught the last 40 minutes of it on TV the other day, and maaaaaan... it's really fun to watch that boat sink.

Posted by alex at 8:44 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

So, in the category of things you already know if either A) you read this blog regularly or B) are in possession of half a brain, we can tell you that Mission: Impossible III is pretty awesome. That J.J. Abrams fellow, he may not know how to end a movie very well, but man, he can sure put together some great action scenes. And, of course, Phillip Seymour Hoffman does bad guy better than just about anyone. And how can that music not kind of make you excited? Unless you're soulless, of course. In which case - bigger fish to fry than seeing a movie, we suppose.

Posted by alex at 12:43 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

This was a pretty good movie. Planetarium gives it two thumbs up; it's not amazing by any stretch, but it's better than most. We saw it a couple days ago, and it seems to be sticking in the mind. Very sad, but very worthwhile. Realism meets neorealism meets NYC. Check it out if you're up for something different.

Posted by alex at 11:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Yep, we were out of town this weekend, sorry for the break in postings. However, you know that the new Springsteen is coming out this week, which should have you pretty pumped, and also, Silent Hill was released this weekend. Far from the typical past 30 lookalike horror films, this one is a surrealistic nightmare-esque beauty, hearkening back to the Italian giallo horror films of the 70s. Things aren't all explained away, some things don't seem to make sense, it's like you're stuck in a ....dream. Which we're sure is exactly what director Christopher Gans was going for. It's all in a heightened state of reality, which the average idiot will likely be confused by and chalk it up to bad acting, but that's really the point. Like when you do things in a bad dream that you don't WANT to do, but you can't help yourself from moving forward. And it don't waste any time: THIRTY SECONDS in, when a little girl is getting ready to jump off a cliff, you pretty much think:

GAME ON, MOTHERFUCKER!

So go support an intelligent, strange, twisted arty horror film- so they won't make Alien Vs. Predator 2, with any luck.

Posted by alex at 9:15 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

And here's the article to prove it. Seriously, we don't care how batshit-crazy Tom Cruise is. Most good actors are fucking nuts. Daniel Day-Lewis? Out of his mind. Val Kilmer? Crazier than a treeful of howler monkeys. So frankly, who gives a shit? The point is, this movie is going to be an amazing classic-style pop spy flick that hearkens back to the days of Sean Connery and The Parallax View. Color us excited. J.J. Abrams keeps getting more impressive.

You don't believe us. That's fine. We'll see who's laughing in two weeks. We should get paid for these kind of predictions, really.

Posted by alex at 9:15 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

For real. That Joseph Gordon-Levitt kid can act. It sure didn't seem like it back when he was on Third Rock from the Sun, but apparently that show didn't let him use his chops, because he is really good in this. Also, the whole high school-as-film-noir concept could've gotten really trite and precious, but they sell it totally straight here, and as a result it comes across pretty damn good. Also, their choice of femme fatale rocks. Check it out, we're pretty sure it opens wide-release finally this coming weekend.

Posted by alex at 12:47 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

My favorite new cartoon:

Posted by alex at 12:53 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Please don't go see Scary Movie 4. Help this wheezing franchise of pain and stale jokes die the brutal death it deserves.

Why not check out the new Nicole Holofcener flick Friends With Money? Eh? Come on, you know you like art-house Aniston. Who didn't enjoy The Good Girl?

Posted by alex at 3:56 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

We were really on a roll there - an update every weekday for the past two weeks straight! Well, now that THAT's been shot to shit, we'lll just have to give up any hope of winning a "Bloggie". Which, for the record, let us just emphasize that it's the dumbest fucking thing on the face of the Earth to give people awards for blogging. It's like rewarding someone for passing chlamydia to the largest number of people - you shouldn't be proud of it, and it CERTAINLY should not be encouraged.

Kind of akin to those punk rock morons who tell kids to go home after the show and start their own bands; it's like, thanks, asshole, like there aren't enough shitty bands in the world already, you've gotta try and create more. NOTE TO PLANETARIUM READERS: DO NOT START A BAND.

In other news, Child Protection Services showed up at Britney and K-Fag's house the other day. Why, you ask? Turns out that Baby Assface had been actying woozy and out-of-it for a couple days, so they took her to the doctor and it turned out she had a fucking skull fracture. From falling out of her high chair or some shit. And three days went by. Can't imagine why Child Protection showed up. Maybe to give them a Bloggie?

Posted by alex at 9:20 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Haley Joel Osment turns 18 today. Yep, that little bastard from The Sixth Sense is legally old enough to smoke. We'll be checking into a rest home later on this week.

Posted by alex at 8:55 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Scientists Call Fish Fossil, 375 Million Years Old, 'Missing Link':

Scientists have discovered fossils of a 375 million-year-old fish, a large scaly creature not seen before, that they say is a long-sought "missing link" in the evolution of some fishes from water to a life walking on four limbs on land.

Hmph. Sounds like some "scientists" are getting a leeeetle bit desperate in their frantic efforts to refute the all-powerful nature of our Lord and almighty Creator!

Posted by alex at 2:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

We're very sorry to report the new new film Slither was a little disappointing. Very sad, considering the top pedigree of star Nathan Fillion, who deserved to be the new Harrison Ford so long ago it's not even funny. Not only that, but this is pretty much the ONLY horror film of the year to get all-around good reviews (the fucking New York Times recommended it, for God's sake), AND the first horror film of the year to do poorly at the box office. Nice work, American film-goers: avoid the smart ones and keep seeing shit like The Fog. We're going to go throw up in our mouths a little.

Posted by alex at 6:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Planetarium's a little irked about not yet getting a chance to see the new super-dork horror film, Stay Alive, about a - brace yourself - video game that kills you...IF YOU DIE IN THE GAME! Mu-ah! The possibility of seeing Frankie Muniz, that little bastard from Malcolm in the Middle, meet his maker on the pointy end of a vengeful demon's spear, is pretty tempting. Too busy to see it yet, but first chance we get...

Posted by alex at 11:10 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

The T-Rex is really funny today. We love our daily dino comics:

Click here.

Posted by alex at 12:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Planetarium would just to take a moment to point out how difficult it can be to maintain a blog that is dedicated to NOT sharing any details of ho-hum everyday life with you all. Other blogs, when they feel listless and uninspired, will simply barf up some mundane, execrable minutiae from their everyday life that no one needs to hear. Not so with us. We keep our ears to the rhythms of the Superweb, and only post when there is cultural, political, or musical goings-on worth letting you in on. That shit ain't easy to do on a daily basis, because, let's face it, there's a lot of boring culture out there. Tough to find the good stuff. Cherish it when it appears.

So why aren't you watching Veronica Mars right now?

Posted by alex at 8:16 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

So tonight Planetarium was lucky enough to get to see The Hills Have Eyes this evening in a fairly crowded theater. There is an art to reading between the lines of horror film reviews: when critics mentioned not liking this or that in the film, instead of just panning it, you can usually apply a scale of interpretation to what they're talking about and determine whether or not it's a good movie. That was the case here. (Although, it got a wildly enthusiastic thumbs-up from the NYTimes, so you never know.) But, as always, one of the best reasons to see a horror film opening weekend is because nothing beats the collective energy of an audience watching a great nightmare unfold. The setup seemed so grim for the protagonists, that about halfway through the film, when an unexpected attack on the bad guys occurs, everyone in the theater burst into applause. The sense of unity, of going through this experience together really ratchets up the enjoyment of the film.

But that's not all: Eyes boasts a fascinating and well-done style of spaghetti western that's woven into itself. The last 30 minutes almost seem like they were written and directed by Sergio Leone with an Ennio Morricone score, which obviously added to the enthusiasm we all felt. It was a clever move, and something Planetarium hasn't seen lately in the glut of American horror films crowding the market. Also, there was some pretty blatant symbolism and meaning in the film, that while obvious on one level, has a bunch of layers that we're still unpacking. After all, when a guy grabs an american flag and shoves the stick through the throat of a mutant, you don't have to be Laura Mulvey to get the symbol. BUT- when it's done by the guy whose character background is basically "wimpy Democrat", and the mutant in quesation is actually a guy who the US government deformed in the Los Altos nuclear testing of the 50s, well, now we're off to the races.

The Hills Have Eyes was directed by Alexandre Aja, the man responsible for the pile of excrement known as High Tension. He's redeemed himself completely, we're happy to report, and Planetarium eagerly anticipates his next offering.

Posted by alex at 7:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

It's what's been missing from your life.

Posted by alex at 11:55 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Click here to see the trailer to Lonesome Jim, the latest "comedic" directorial effort from Mr. Pink. Busecmi's actually pretty good, too- his last film Trees Lounge, was a sharp character study. Although the trailer kind of looks he saw Jersey Girl and went, "Hey, I could make this movie a THOUSAND time better- and I'll even keep the same girl!" Also, Norah Labiner fans take note: the homage to dead writers suggests Mr. Buscemi may love a certain Minneapolis-based genius.

Posted by alex at 8:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Have a good weekend. The Malachi Constant will be rocking out.

Posted by alex at 5:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Just noticed the repetition. We'll try to avoid that in the future.

Posted by alex at 5:47 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

DON'T MISS the trailer for the new horror film Sleepless In Seattle!!! Starring Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan! It'll scare you silly!

Posted by alex at 5:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

that Veronica Mars is the greatest thing on television right now?!?!?! SO GOOD!!!!!! Talk about tightly plotted, well-written, and FUNNY! This show is basically everything the fucking O.C. WISHES it was. Do yourself a favor. Rent the DVDs of Season 1 and GET ON THE TRAIN. It's leaving the station people, and you will feel dumb if you pass it up now, and then later, when you see it and realize how amazing it is, you'll kick yourself for having passed on it at the time.

Also, there's a great dialogue on the City Pages site about the future of arthouse theaters, and the state of the filmgoing experience, that any true cineaste should check out.

Posted by alex at 2:12 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

First one is for a movie we're all pretty excited about, it's the new trailer for Linklater's upcoming A Scanner Darkly, which looks like it just might own you.

Second, we've got something you may have already seen, but we urge you to take another look. The thing is, trailers aren't movies. They're two completely different things. There've been great movies with piss-poor trailers, and vice-versa, so just get used to that fact. That being said, you may hate Tom Cruise, you might dislike action movies in general, but reall,y we would be shocked and think there was something wrong with you if you don't think that the trailer J.J. Abrams has put together for Mission: Impossible III is very, VERY well-done. Check it out.

Posted by alex at 6:09 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

We know, it's been too long. Sorry for the weekend delay. But in exchange, we present you with the trailer for Dave Chappelle's BLOCK PARTY!

Dunno if you saw his interview with Oprah or not, but our respect for the man has actually GROWN post-freakout. He sounds like he's extremely aware of the cultural issues he was coming up against- but this trailer basically just looks cool. And he got Michael Gondry to film it, which is also amazing.

Posted by alex at 11:24 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Good ol' Diablo really outdid herself today. Click on the link, and treat yourself to her take on today's current celebrity couples. One of my favorites:

Lance Armstrong and Sheryl Crow: Technically, they're an un-couple as of this weekend. I'm betting his children spooked her away. Can you imagine being the stepmom to precious blonde Miracle Twins conceived using frozen spunk from Daddy's doomed scrotum? It would totally suck. Sheryl was probably like "Girls, could you pick up your Legos? I almost tripped just now." And the Miracle Twins were all "We don't have to pick up anything. We're Daddy's life-affirming spunkdumplings and you're just a Grammy-winning adult contemporary artist." You'd run too. Good luck, Sheryl.

Posted by alex at 4:36 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

From today's Ain't It Cool News:

"In 2007 Robert Zemeckis is releasing his next film, an adaptation of BEOWULF that was scripted by Roger Avary and Neil Gaiman. The cast includes Crispin Glover as the monstrous Grendel (the first time Glover has reteamed with Zemeckis since all that bad blood surrounding BACK TO THE FUTURE 2), Ray Winstone as Beowulf, Angelina Jolie as the demonic mother of Grendel, Anthony Hopkins as the King being tormented by Grendel. Also in the cast is Brendan Gleeson, Alison Lohman, John Malkovich and Robin Wright Penn."

Click here for the full story.

Posted by alex at 10:34 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

The Beast list of the 50 Worst People of the year is really, really good. Example:

25. Paris Hilton

Charges: Won�t go away. A head so empty, the rails of coke that sustain her must dissipate in clouds around her ears; this residual high the only explanation anyone would come within five feet of her. Brainless, her spinal cord defies physics, like an Indian rope trick. Her Carl�s Jr. commercial, while an uninspired approximation of eroticism, was still hotter than her actual "sex" tape, in which she only made noise when she wasn�t screwing�that�s not hot. Squints inexplicably for photo ops, suggesting even minimal focus is beyond her. Her continued success as a celebrity famous for nothing, despite the eerie resemblance she bears to the inbred banjoist from Deliverance and a lack of talent so profound that others become duller as they approach her, indicates that something is fundamentally wrong with humanity.

It's a late-January posting here. Check it out.

Posted by alex at 6:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

This one is for Planetarium staffer Brunansky: Chewbacca has a blog.

Click here for Chewy's blog.

Posted by alex at 6:04 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

That previous post is awful. You SEE what this party has done to our brain? It's reduced the mighty Planetarium to a goddamn diary blog. Tomorrow: back to no-nonsense links and info, enough of this day-to-day crap.

Posted by alex at 5:40 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

...to log in and have two hundred comments posted from someone named "sex thumbnails." They must have gotten made fun of ALL THE TIME growing up, probably in some town with a name like Hooterville.

So Planetarium threw a party last night. Apparently it was fairly successful, because we woke up today at around 4 pm with a pounding head and the sudden realization that we had somehow managed to drink EVERY beer in New York City the preceding evening. As well as some vodka. And whiskey. And at some point there may have been orange sherbert margaritas involved. Also, upon awakening it was discovered that on the computer desk there was a large hide-bound copy of T.S. Eliot's The Wasteland. We don't OWN a copy of The Wasteland. Unsettling? Perhaps a little. This was followed by five hours of minimal movement, save to get water refills, use the restroom, and get the various remotes needed in order to watch Veronica Mars (now on DVD!) from a comfortable position. It is extremely rare that we feel that thrashed from an evening of drinking. The best part of being old people now is that you feel quite justified whenever you have a hangover: "Not a kid any more!" et. al.......

Our lovely friend Melissa brought a present of a mix CD for us, with an amazing trajectory of songs from artists that usually annoy us (paging: The Mountain Goats) but whom Melissa has the incredible knack of somehow picking the one great track from each one of them and blending into a sublime aural experience. That last sentence should not be read with any irony, either, which is admittedly hard but w/r/t the whole sublime-experience hoohah we suggest at least giving it a good try. Planetarium's stupid people-reviews-humor piece was published in Canon magazine this past week, and as usual when anything is published of ours, this involves trying to pretend we are someone else whenever the topic arises. Tomorrow: more gym, more reading. Possibly a break for orange sherbert, which we have somehow developed a hankering for.

Posted by alex at 5:25 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Courtesy of Redheat:

Good times.

Posted by alex at 12:18 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

for the geeks...we're trying something new....PICTURES!!!
(the expression on the little dog's face is priceless)

Posted by alex at 11:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

So Planetarium gets to the gym tonight, around quarter to 9. Walks up, pulls the handle. It's locked. This doesn't really register. We step back, and take a look at the front of the gym. "OPEN 24 HOURS!" screams the giant aluminum lettering. We step back in, and try the handle again. Still locked. A guy inside sees us, comes to the door, unlocks it, and says "We're closed on Saturdays and Sundays from 8 pm until 8 am the next morning." We point at the BIG FUCKING SIGN THAT SAYS OPEN ALWAYS. He looks at it and says, "yeah, well..." as he slowly closes the door in our face.

We should sue for false advertising.

Posted by alex at 8:21 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

It's a pretty good list, though color us baffled as to why Paris is only at #25.

Posted by alex at 4:36 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

63 and cloudy. This is the weirdest January ever.

Posted by alex at 3:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

This one looks pretty fun. "Bout time they started following the formula that's been working wonders for the superhero genre: Hire a good indie writer, hire a good indie director, and voila! Your ostensibly rinky-dink b-horror film suddenly gets a hell of a lot better.

Posted by alex at 3:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

So, today over at Ain't It Cool News it was announced by George Lucas that the last Indiana Jones movie will be coming out in 2007, and that Harrison Ford is donning that hat and whip one last time. Now, it only took about three seconds for the talkback forum to start filling up with suggested titles for the new movie, and as the follow list demonstrates, dorks can be pretty entertaining when they put their minds to it (I'm a particularly big fan of the Canasta one):

Indiana Jones and the Earring of Mid-Life Crisis

Indiana Jones and the Man Boobs from Hell

Indiana Jones and the Mystical Walker of Moses

Indiana Jones and the Embarrassment of Erectile Dysfunction...

Raiders of the Social Security Lockbox

Didn't they already MAKE Indy 4? Wasn't it called Bubba Ho-Tep?

Indiana Jones and the Lost Roth IRA Account

click below for loads more...

Continue reading "Sometimes nerds are really funny." »

Posted by alex at 4:15 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Current Weather: 54 degrees and rainy, with some potent winds.

Translation: your umbrella is useless.

However, it's supposed to get all sunny and nice in the afternoon, so give it up for bizarre January weather. Is Delay in jail yet or what?

Posted by alex at 3:16 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

As a small appetizer before the best-of lists roll in, we thought it might be nice to offer a sampling of the year's worst films- the movies of 2005 that made us want to cry. Not from joy, not from sadness, but from the incontrovertible fact that we had two hours of our life stripped away from us by an unqualified pile of steaming dogshit. Again, as always, these highly subjective lists reflect the attitude of the Planetarium offices ALONE, and in no way represent your own highly suspect tastes.

DISCLAIMER: This list is not meant to cover all of the worst of 2005, simply the worst we've seen. In other words, it's usually pretty easy to dodge the biggest turds flying out of Hollywood and aiming for your face. Thus, this list lacks the blatantly obvious "worst films" chart-toppers like Cheaper by the Dozen 2, Elektra, Son of the Mask, and The Pacifier, just to name a few. If you didn't know better than to stay away from these in the first place, then we have pity on your soul. (We would've included Alone in the Dark on that list as well, but we've been assured that Tara Reid's turn as a paleontologist/sexpot librarian is one of the most howlingly funny, so-bad-it's-great roles in quite some time. You heard us: Tara Reid as a sexy paleontologist.)

3. Cry Wolf. Someone should be shot for all the false hype this movie got. Making our top three almost entirely as a result of being a film that in no way shape, or form lived up to its promise and advance word-of-mouth (see: Blair Witch Project). this movie bombed its potential so bad we just had to give it special attention. The tale of three backpackers who get stranded in the Australian outback may be misogynist, but that's not really the point. This movie is the death knell of the recent glut of "grittily realistic" horror films. Essentially snuff films in disguise, these movies do little for anyone except those who really enjoy seeing people get tortured. I guess for those people, this film is probably on their best-of list. Anyhoo.

2. Must Love Dogs. This movie was so bad it gave us stomach cramps. While much of the reason it makes such a high point on our worst list can be attributed to John Cusack's presence (John, oh dear, John: you used to be such a reliable barometer of whether or not a movie would be good. We even forgave that lovable smirk for the yawn that was Identity. But you have become the go-to guy for shitty movies, John, and that is unforgivable. You are officially wiped from the cool board.), even unpleasant dreck like Casanova is at least respectably delivered with a modicum of embarrassment from the performers and director. But this film, from it's opening "We're a big crazy family with inseparable sisters and a man-lovin' gay brother!" to the intended SERIOUS delivery of an Auden poem halfway through, to the paint-by-numbers ending, this film contains the worst of everything about Hollywood movie-making, and is reason alone for Diane Lane's execution when the revolution comes.

1. Fantastic Four. Someday, when I am much older, I will eventually come to the point where I am no longer interested in the world at large. Technology will have long surpassed my ability to comprehend it. Teenagers will frighten me, and I will begin coming up with excuses to never leave my house. I will resent the aches and pains my body causes me, and as a result of forgetfulness I will not keep in contact with the few friends I have remaining. Life will no longer be a place of happiness for me. And when this day comes, when this final moment of true clarity arrives, wherein I can no longer justify my attitude towards the world nor my place in it, I will clean my home one last time, sit down in my den, load a shotgun with a single bullet, place the barrell in my mouth, and splattter my brains all over my prized DVD copy of Fantastic Four.

Posted by alex at 1:58 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

SO, we've been getting our lists together, starting with the movies, and feeling a little bit unprepared this year, since two of the most contentious films in play (The Chronicles of Narnia and King Kong)has still not been viewed by Planetarium. Oops. We know, we know, we're dropping the ball here. But hopefully the situation will be rectified before we put up the best of 2005 list. After all, even if we end up hating it, you can't really ignore a 200-ton gorilla, can you? Of course you can't.

In other news, the best albums of 2005 is coming together nicely, though it's looking more and more like it might split into a "best songs" and "best albums" dichotomy, which is fine with us.

Oh, we took a chance and saw another episode of "The O.C." the other day. That shit blows.

Posted by alex at 6:16 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

We're sorry to report that the first theater-going experience of the new year was a bit of a letdown. Wolf Creek, the film that has inexplicably been garnering quite positive reviews from geeks while being panned in the mainstream press, has the dubious distinction of being one of those rare horror films where the clueless big fishes got it right, and the fans wrong. The film fails in the only thing required of horror films: being scary for even a minute. It's grisly, brutal, and realistic. BO-RING! Snuff films masquerading as horror is so five minutes ago dot com.

Posted by alex at 3:27 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

To those of you for whom it's a thing, Merry Christmas. To those of you for whom it isn't, have a nice day off/holiday/festive day at work/et al.

Planetarium got the Born to Run 30th Anniversary edition. It rules.

Posted by alex at 6:27 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Planetarium is on holiday duty this week, which means posting less often and dealing with holiday nonsense more often. However, we have started compiling our best-of lists for 2005, one of our more popular features, and will hopefully have them up by the end of the year (though, as usual, that probably means early January at best).

In the meantime, let's pour a 40 on the ground for Nick and Jessica, shall we? As well for Brad and Jen and Lindsay and WIlmer and some of the others. You're all still our dawgs. And we hope to be adding Britney and K-Fed to that list soon, as well.

Alright, time to go eat some tabouli. It's just not Christmas without tabouli.

Posted by alex at 11:11 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Well, we WERE just going to quick give you a link to the trailer to Mel Gibson's new film, Apocalypto, because it looks kind of interesting, but then something strage happened. We were watching the thing through, when all of a sudden our brain registered an image that seemed like it didn't fit. So we checked again, in slow-motion, and WHAM. Crazy-city, population: Mel.

So go to the link, and watch the trailer. It's kinda cool. But THEN- scroll back about two-thirds of the way through (the part right after the dude who was running stops, pauses, looks behind himself, and then runs again), and click bit by bit through the flash-cuts that happen at that moment. All of a sudden, leaning up against against one of the clay-covered Mayans, totally out of place, is the most Deliverance-ass looking Mel Gibson we've ever seen. Like he's about to do something really terrible to an animal, or something. See for yourself.

Weird. Really weird.

Posted by alex at 4:18 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Entering the home stretch. The end is in sight. Stress is running high. Why not relax with a cool refreshing Gatorade?

Did we mention the part where we're still eating and breathing this work? 'Til thursday, folks. Our brain will come out of its self-induced isolation chammber at that point. Yeah, there's a stack of messages piling up as we speak- the same pile that's been building since last week, for anyone who's wondering why Planetarium is not responding in a usual timely manner. Happy holidays, though, right? Our Irish mate Damien likes to make fun of our political correctness regarding the holidays, even though we've pointed out repeatedly that it's the right-wing doing the silliness in this campaign. His response: "What do you wankers say when you get your gifts? 'Oh, look, it's my holiday present!'? Wankers, the lot of ya."

Posted by alex at 3:39 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Worst part of the cold season for everyone? Don't say it, we already know: not being able to play mini-golf, right? We feel you, dawg. So why don't you head on over to Mini-Putt 2, and take your blues away for a little while? You can thank us later.

Hmmmm, can you tell we're almost done with the year-end workload and getting a little computer screen-overload crazy?

Posted by alex at 2:39 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

One of our favorite twin cities bloggers, good buddy Diablo who runs the pussyranch, is startin' to get famous, and good for her. She's in the new issue of Entertainment Weekly pimpin' her new book Candy Girl, which details her year of stripping in Minneapolis. Go check it out- makes a great stocking stuffer for Grandma!

Posted by alex at 4:16 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

So, finally saw The Last Picture Show the other night. For the first half of the film, it was somewhat akin to having your gonads devoured by wild boars. However, a little after halfway through,, it starts to pick up, and by the end it turned in a fairly respectable performance. It's weird seeing young Randy Quaid and Jeff Bridges, but overall, this film gets a little too much credit. It got lucky, coming in at the advent of the "gritty realism" phase of the seventies, and thus gets put in with films that followed and were much better. Still, nice to have it under the belt. And it beats having to watch Torn Curtain for the 10th time in as many days. Occasionally, film theory can be a very ugly beast.

Posted by alex at 11:43 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Okay, this one's for Pete, who was foolish enough to admit to us that while watching the first Mission: Impossible in the theater, he got so excited that he started bobbing his head and humming along each time the theme music kicked in. Now, the second one sucked to high heaven, but we agree that the first M:I film is brilliant, and it's such a great franchise concept, that we have a hard time imagining we'll be too disappointed with this one. Especially with our man J.J. Abrams writing and directing.

Click here for the trailer to Mission: Impossible III!!!!

Posted by alex at 11:39 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Once again, this trailer looks to be Spike Lee proving that he's still one of the best directors alive (if also one of the most wildly uneven). He seems to have hit a rather steady gait for the past few years of making an absolutely brilliant movie (The 25th Hour) followed by an absolutely miserable one (She Hate Me). Thankfully, it's time again for the genius one, and this looks to be proof of that.

Click here to check out the trailer for The Inside Man. Man, is Clive Owen bad-ass.

Posted by alex at 11:31 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

We know that Brett Ratner is directing X-Men 3. We KNOW this. We KNOW that it's going to suck. And yet, after watching the teaser trailer, well, um.....

we got really pumped for this movie.

Stop it, we know!! It's stupid to get our hopes up. It's pointless because the movie will suck. And yet...
maybe?

Posted by alex at 5:05 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Normally, we just link away, but today's City Pages offered too good a time waster to not re-post in its entirety. Allow us to present a list of websites whose designers did not think hard enough about how the name of their website would be read:

1) Who Represents?, a database for agencies to the rich and famous:
http://www.whorepresents.com

2) Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange
advice and views:
http://www.expertsexchange.com

3) Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island:
http://www.penisland.net

4) Need a therapist?
http://www.therapistfinder.com

5) Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales:
http://www.molestationnursery.com

6) Gas central heating anyone?
http://www.gasheating.co.uk

7) New to Milan and you need electric light? Why not sign up on-line with
Power-Gen?
http://www.powergenitalia.com

Posted by alex at 11:31 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

So, not only is it Monday again, but no Planetarium postings over the holiday weekend. Bad blogger! Though bonus points for posting on Thanksgiving proper.

A special treat for everyone today- remember how it was really shitty being in high school? Relive all those fond memories along with someone who is still stuck there. Note the references to "cutting" which lets you know it's actually a high school person, and not some dude in his 40s trying to pick up young boys with poetry. Not only that, but the name really seals the deal. Check out the blog Broken Hearts are good for stabbing people with.

Posted by alex at 11:20 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Or tofurkey day, as the case may be. Either way, it's nice to have a day off, though Planetarium nonetheless manages to STILL feel guilty about not doing work. It's raining in NYC, and for some reason there's an abundance of bad style out there walking the streets. Perhaps all the out-of-towners in for the parade. Nothing, however, explains the preponderance of Uggs (perhaps the most aptly named shoes of all time). Tevs. Enjoy your day.

Posted by alex at 2:58 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

We here at Planetarium have a high-tech filter system that removes the literally hundreds of spam comments this blog receives on a daily basis. The past four comments posted on this blog were by:
"Sex"; "Young"; "Old"; and "Fuck".

They sound like awesome people.

Posted by alex at 6:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

If you know who you are, feel very very bad about yourself. Planetarium can't sleep right now.

Posted by alex at 2:45 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

You know you want it...

Posted by alex at 11:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

To help out Kate in her mission to make this part of the slang dictionary, PLanetarium offers a small anecdote:

This weekend, we saw the film Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang. Not only was it a cool, funny film with a great pulp noir meta- feel to it, it starred Robert Downey Jr. and Val Kilmer, two actors who can actually act, doing the buddy-cop thing. What a welcom change of pace from the endless parade of lookalike young 'uns that are populating our pop culture nowadays. Looking at many of the interchangeable WB pretty faces on TV now, we realized that we can't identify hardly ANY of them. We've had a total hipsterectomy.

Posted by alex at 4:41 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

We've gotten a few shocked and appalled letters regarding the previous posting on the potential superiority of Freaks and Geeks to Buffy the Vampire Slayer. So, let's be clear: obviously there's no way one season of Geeks can stand up to an untouchable seven-season run of brilliance on Buffy. That goes without saying. Also, we had just gotten into the groove of this show when that was posted. Upon careful reflection, it does not unseat the top spot, but damned if it doesn't come close by dint and sheer chutzpah. Geeks is really good. Like if The Wonder Years was made by geniuses and set in 1980. Yeah, that's it.

Posted by alex at 1:49 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

You know that good ol' Planetarium is always trying to help you out around the holidays, especially seeing as they can be real downers half the time. So this year, we thought we'd offer a film for your delectation, a saucy little 70's Italian expolitation romp that is oh-so-ingeniously titled....
Strip Nude For your Killer!!!
Yeah, it's pretty much the best name for a movie ever. Hell, We're thinking of changing our name to Strip Nude For your Killer-tarium. So if you're in the mood for something a little spooky this year, this film (let us again assure you that by no means is it a "good" film, though it IS a great film) will certainly do the trick.

Posted by alex at 7:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

It was good while it lasted, though, wasn't it? X-Men 2 is still one of the best action movies of the last ten years. But it's over and dead, as dead as Sylvester Stallone's new magazine. Yes, despite such a wildly auspicious beginning, the new film will not only be directed by Brett "Red Dragon" Ratner, but they brought in a new writing team. Which team, you ask? The same geniuses who gave us Fantastic Four. Whoo boy, you can already smell the flop sweat being mopped off this movie's brow. What a drag. Can't wait to see what Mr. Rush Hour 2 does with Kelsey Grammar as Beast.

GOD we're dorky.

Posted by alex at 1:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

By now you've seen the advertisements for Domino, the new Tony Scott film starring Keira Knightly as the real-life bounty hunter Domino Harvey. So what's with the complete bi-polar breakdown every critic in America seems to be having over this movie? It's confusing us! In this situation, the reader gets confused because on the one hand, it's this totally fucking amazing movie where Kiera Knightley is badass and tough as nails. On the other hand we have the view that she is a nothing actress and everything she does in this movie is fake and devoid of anything one would call emotion. These critics should seriously sit down and discuss why they feel this way because we find it interesting and confusing at the same time. Planetarium tends to think that a bad performance is a bad performance. After all, nobody denies that Gregory Peck in To Kill A Mockingbird is anything less than amazing. And everyone can agree that Tara Reid in Alone In The Dark is absolutely cancer inducing. So what the fuck- sit each other down and have it out as to why you think this way and have a fucking good old fashioned argument because seriously! Do we go see it or not?!?!

Posted by alex at 11:06 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

You can check out the trailer for the new Woody Allen movie Match Point, and go see HEY come back here! No, seriously, this movie got crazy buzz at Cannes, and it looks like there's a very good reason: Allen finally made a great movie again. None of that "wacky comedy!" crap he's been spewing out for the past few years, this looks like an almost noir-ish serious film, and it's supposed to kick unholy ass. We really hope so- it'd be a shame for the Wood-man to end his career with the kind of tripe he's made since the late 90's.

Posted by alex at 9:55 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Check out a recently re-vamped trailer for The Shining, the feel-good movie of the year. This trailer knocked our socks off. It looks like the perfect family film!

Posted by alex at 3:43 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Okay. Here's the thing: first of all, apologies for the delay since the last posting. This is way longer of a gap than you're used to, and there's no excuse for that kind of rudeness. However, those of you who are regular readers, you probably noticed a not-coincidental overlap between the gap in posting and the release of a certain film. And yes, your hunch was right.

We had planned to write about Serenity immediately after seeing the film when it opened on Friday. After all, we've talked about it for months, we've forced down your throat links to interviews with Joss Whedon, Firefly figurines, and just about anything else even vaguely related that's come down the pipeline. So how come we blew it? How come we didn't get our backs right back home and, to coin a popular phrase, "blog the crap out of this"?

The fact is, we were a little too moved.

Yeah, that's right, you heard correctly. (Or read, we should say.) Serenity is the best time we've had at a movie for quite some time. It made us laugh, it made us cry, it did everything a classic American film is supposed to do, and it did it with its big ol' geeky heart shining proudly on its sleeve where it belongs. This is an epic film, in the best sense of the word. It creates an entire universe, gives it a mythos, gives it a history, and most importantly, gives you a group of people that you can care deeply about, because every single move they make, you can understand completely why they made it. A group of people who you would want to look at and call your friends. All the times you've ever been with someone you care about, and you think to yourself "no matter what, I've got that person's back," this movie is for you. Oh, and it's also a giant sci-fi space western soap opera action flick that blows up more spaceships than books you've read.

Serenity's tagline is "You Can't Stop the Signal", and aside from being a fairly obvious metaphor for the transition of a cancelled TV show into a big-budget Hollywood flick, the motto also holds true for the plot and the underlying theme. The movie reminds us that some things are more important than our own self-interest, even when we'd like to pretend they aren't. And it does so while entertaining the hell out of you. Manohla Dargis in the New York Times says that the movie is everything that George Lucas' last three films wish they were, and she's right. We don't want to give away any spoilers. especially for the diehard fans, but man oh man- this one will tug at the heartstrings. Aside from a fairly out-of-character soliloquoy from Mal at the end of the movie, the film doesn't hit a single wrong note. It's the best American film this year by far- and that's really saying something, because right before we saw it we were about to post a little note explaining why A History of Violence is the best American film this year. (More on that one soon, by the way.) But for now, just know- this is one for the ages. Go see it; we'll talk later.

Posted by alex at 10:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Now, we'll be the first to admit that we've been big supporters of some of the remakes that have taken place over the past couple of years. We definitely singled out the Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake as deserving of much praise, and a few of the Japanese imports (most notably The Grudge) have actually surpassed the original. But now, we're sorry to say that Neil Labute has decided to remake The Wicker Man. For those of you not in the know, this is one of the weirdest little cult films ever made, about a policeman who goes to a little island off the Scottish coast to investigate a murder, and things....get weird quickly. Aside from one of Christopher Lee's finest and oddest roles, this movie simply cold not be made today. Unless he's really period-piecing it, it's just gonna blow. Some things should be let well enough alone, in our humble opinion. Maybe write your own movie next time, Neil. Oh, wait, you've been doing that, and the last few have....never mind.

Posted by alex at 11:53 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

The Sorrows of Young Werther, by Goethe.

Simple rule for life: try to avoid German Romanticism whenever possible. It's not pretty. Or rather, it thinks it is, and that's the problem.

Posted by alex at 9:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Global Warming 'Past the Point of No Return' By Steve Connor

The Independent UK Friday 16 September 2005

A record loss of sea ice in the Arctic this summer has convinced scientists that the northern hemisphere may have crossed a critical threshold beyond which the climate may never recover. Scientists fear that the Arctic has now entered an irreversible phase of warming which will accelerate the loss of the polar sea ice that has helped to keep the climate stable for thousands of years.

Read the rest here.

Posted by alex at 2:04 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

'Nuff said.

Posted by alex at 10:49 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Special treat today for you Harry Potter dorks.....Moviefone is presenting a sneak-preview trailer for the next film. Click here for Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire!

Posted by alex at 10:42 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Warner finally has a good-looking trailer online for the upcoming Philip K. Dick-based A Scanner Darkly. This looks to be extremely cool, and not just because it's based on what is arguably Dick's best work. As someone who is NOT a fan of animated movies, we're very curious to see just what Richard Linklater and his team of Waking Life maestros have cooked up. Stop hiding, Rick! Or esle we'll start making "Brangelina" jokes again. In SEPTEMBER.

Posted by alex at 2:53 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Planetarium is in New York City. It's a crazy feeling.

In other news, is Angelina Jolie adopting too many babies or what?!?!

Posted by alex at 2:39 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

This site may be a bit spotty for the next week, as Planetarium makes its move of the world headquarters from the twin cities to NYC, but there will still be some good links coming during that time, to keep you satiated until it's fully back. And so, in keeping with that assurance, allow us to provide you with a link for a movie that looks like it might actually be really cool- though, possibly in the same silly, modern-day Dune-esque way that The Chronicles of Riddick was cool. Still, either way that's better than most other Hollywood films, including (ugh) The Island, which, really, don't get us started.

Click HERE to see the trailer for Charlize Theron in AEON FLUX!

Posted by alex at 1:56 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

The trailer is out for Domino, a film based on the real life of British bounty hunter Domino Harvey (who, coincidentally, just passed away a few weeks ago). It might be good, might be bad, but oh look- Christopher Walken's in it, and he looks like he's in full-on crazy mode. So now we have to see it.

Posted by alex at 10:23 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

There's a great interview with Joss Whedon in this month's In Focus magazine, talking about the upcoming movie Serenity, studio timetables, and why there maybe shouldn't have been quite as much incest between Luke and Leia.

Posted by alex at 1:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

In the newest issue of Harper's, editor Lewis Lapham quotes Theodor Adorno in discussing the ways in which facts and sensibility have effectively been discarded in the press in favor of easily digestible news that won't rock the boat:
"Things have come to pass where lying sounds like truth, truth like lying...The confounding of truth and lies, making it almost impossible to maintain a distinction, and a labor of Sisyphus to hold on to the simplest piece of knowledge...marks the conversion of all questions of truth into questions of power." Adorno was talking about the German Ministry of Public Enlightenment and Propaganda in the 1930s, but it's clear that he could just as well be talking about right now, when a President's lies, tampering with voting in elections, out-and-out lawbreaking, mean so little that they are displaced on the news cycle by whether or not brad Pitt is fucking Angelina Jolie. Our point, long made on this site, is that what President Bush says or does matters as little as whether Ashlee is lip-synching her concerts; as the Ministry of Propaganda instructed, arguments must be simple and emotional, instinctual rather than intellectual, endlessly repeated until they're true.
- It's conventional wisdom that content trumps form, that what you say is more important than how you say it. That is obviously no longer the case. Theory-heads will argue that the reverse is true, that we now live in a time when form mattters, not content. That the content is almost worthless, only what it's contained in is valuable. But in a time when names take precedence over events (the who, not the what), and the narrative is constructed by images on TV and good camera shots as opposed to the words being spoken (or the soldiers being killed), it's looking to us like the form IS the content. As Lapham says, "Who cares to know whether Rush Limbaugh's truths are truer than Toyota's? Nothing necessarily follows from anything else, and the viewer is free to shop around for a reality matched to taste." And with such logic does a democracy turn into an entertainment center, benevolently managed (we used to call that authoritarianism) by the funhouse employees of the media and the kindly old store owner of the Bush administration.

Posted by alex at 12:56 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Okay, this one, despite looking enormously stupid, also looks entertaining for some reason. If you watch the trailer and disagree, let us know. But otherwise, check out the promising nonsense that is Lords of War.

Posted by alex at 1:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

The Times' Sunday magazine has a great article on indie auteur Jim Jarmusch, spanning his career (which includes one of Planetarium's all-time favorites Dead Man, as well as the utterly brilliant Ghost Dog: Way of the Samurai) but focusing on his upcoming Bill Murray starrer Broken Flowers, which promises to be, as usual, incredible. Watch the trailer here.

Posted by alex at 9:28 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Planetarium's got another trailer for you today....at first glance, this movie seems like it would probably suck, until you look closer and realize that it's the same folks who wrote, directed, and starred in Anchorman. Then you realize that you have to go see it.

Click to watch the trailer to The 40 Year Old Virgin!

Posted by alex at 2:49 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

That's right, one of Alan Moore's greatest works, second only to Watchmen, really, is getting the big-screen presentation this fall. And the trailer for what looks like it might be quite the awesome riff on politics, people, and of course, some good ol' action has finally hit the net:

Click here to see the trailer for V for Vendetta!!!!!!

Well, today the TImes' put out it's review of the new Assault on Precinct 13. Mr. A.O. Scott thought it was pretty stinky, apparently. However, in lieu of Mr. hit-or-miss critic, there's some rather wonderful things being said about it over at Ain't It Cool. And the fact is, when it comes to delivering the goods on trashy, B-movie fun, Planetarium will trust the geek-film fan over the smarmy intellectual any day of the week.

Posted by alex at 10:14 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

From Dark Horizons:

Ex-Buffy stars Sarah Michelle Gellar and Charisma Carpenter are allegedly competing for the lead role in forthcoming superhero movie Wonder Woman according to online celebrity zine Teen Hollywood.

The pair, who played Buffy Summers and Cordelia Chase respectively in the hit show, are battling for the iconic role after their former boss Joss Whedon agreed to direct the movie remake of the 70s television show says British tabloid The Daily Record.

An insider told the paper "Joss has told the studio that Sarah is his first choice followed by Charisma. Sarah expressed an interest, but the producers are more interested in Charisma because she is less well known."

Posted by alex at 5:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Adrien Brody is a great character actor who has mostly been in pretty uninspired movies that have not allowed him much space to flex. This new one seems like it might provide the nice edgy context and genre grounding to give him some room. Also, Keira Knightley looks pretty awesome here. So click here to see if The Jacket might own your ass.

Posted by alex at 8:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

The Times' has a nifty little media piece today about the end of Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston's marriage. Even if you could care less about these two folks, they've got a fun little deconstruction of the way the tabloids have spun the new millenium wronged-man scenario. Check it out.

Posted by alex at 6:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

It's amazing that Democrats still get all steamed up over Ann Coulter. Planetarium's been awash in all the emails and postings flying around over Coulter's recent interview in the New York Observer. Folks, the woman is like a rodeo clown. It's about as worth discussing as last night's episode of "According to Jim", in terms of political meaning. In the interview (which came out Jan. 10), she made such charming observations as being "fed up with hearing about ... civilian casualties" in Iraq; that "it would be fun to nuke" North Korea; that all feminists are "weak and pathetic;" that former President Bill Clinton "was a very good rapist." Why does anyone take this seriously? Honestly, what color the sky is in her world, I don't know. But her job is being an insane bitch, so just let her be one. Dems give people too much credit.

Posted by alex at 1:18 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

If you have a free moment, we guarantee you will be entertained by the blogorific stylings of Mr. Dave Gatchell, current resident of Tokyo, Japan, over at ShallWeDave. We are particularly enjoying yesterday's posting on the importance of eyebrows.

In the meantime, we thought as an antidote to our best-of list, we'd post a few of the WORST albums of 2004 for some nice counter-balance. Ah, counter-balance.....

1. Franz Ferdinand - st

Apparently, wack is the new gay. Boys, it's time to stop trying to be "saucy" and "exuberant"- you're causing scabies in uninformed American teens. Being arch beyond belief does not equal cleverness.

2. Arcade Fire - Funeral

Listening to this album is like listening to the sound of joyless masturbation. Boys so in love with the sound of their own "uniqueness" that they forgot to actually, you know, write songs.

3. Modest Mouse - Good News For People Who Love Bad News

It's possible that Modest Mouse have hearts of gold. It's possible that they shit gold bricks, and spend their time in-between gigs helping little old ladies across the street and curing cancer. None of this should prevent their being first up against the wall when the revolution comes. It was impossible to escape the whining, nasally nightmare that was "Float On" this year, and was only matched in sheer fucking annoying-ness by the level of here-we-go-feel-good pomposity exuded by the music. God, do we hate this band. They win the shitty award.

The "Didn't suck as much as everyone said it did" award goes to Le Tigre for their major label debut This Island. These American critics baffle the fuck out of us. Folks, their last album was the one that sucked! They wisely ditched the "DIY lo-fi sounding" (read: crappy sounding) guitars and tinny, tired drum loops for some decent production and better songs. Yay selling out!

Disagree? We'd love to hear why you're wrong.

Posted by alex at 9:07 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Sorry for the 2-day delay, but as you can see, we were busy rebuilding the site with a kicky new look for 2005. Hope you all like it, because it took a little while, and it's not going away anytime soon. A quick round-up for you as what we've neglected over the past hours:

- the new thriller White Noise, starring Michael Keaton as a dude who can hear voices of dead people or something wildly original like that, apparently sucks moose drool.

- Planetarium was the "Minnesota Blog of the Day" as bestowed by the Twin Cities' Babelogue. Whooo!!!! We'd like to thank Bob and Harvey Weinstein for this enormous opportunity.

- The new issue of Entertainment Weekly has the Oscar race as its cover story, and apparently Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind has a pretty good shot for a nom. Also, it's a great read, just like every issue. And no, we don't get EW kickbacks, though we probably should for statements like that.

- Are we the only ones who think that the White House paying off a journalist with a national syndicated radio and TV show $240,000 to speak favorably about their No Child Left Behind Act is a really big fucking deal? Where are the cover stories about this? And second of all, doesn't this raise the question of who else they're paying off?

- Atrios has a great quote from Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist yesterday:

Just before his helicopter lifted off, Frist and aides took snapshots of each other near a pile of tsunami debris. "Get some devastation in the back," Frist told a photographer.

God bless America.

Posted by alex at 8:07 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Winter illness has wiped out the Planetarium staff one by one, leaving no one to do the heavy lifting today. Send an email to Planetarium with your secrets for fighting a cold.

In other news, William Safire is still crazy.

Posted by alex at 7:21 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Happy new year to you all from Planetarium. We've had quite a year, and we're all looking forward to this one being better. Here's to new beginnings and all that.

And, of course, we're amped for Wedding Crashers.

Posted by alex at 7:10 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Okay, to all those reading from other cities, we apologize, but Planetarium is pretty proud of our hometown, and so, as a treat for localites (and former localites), we offer a link to the Twin Cities gossip site Slanderous Minneapolis. Two of our favorites thus far:

Dave Pirner at the CC Club on Sat. afternoon, drinking alone, dressed in flannel shirt (how �grunge�). Was going to strike up a conversation about missing children, but decided against it.

Another Watson�s slut sighting. She was at Copeland�s downtown on Friday, 12/10. Saw her making out with the main guy from the Watson�s commercials. Puke! I thought that he was her uncle or stepdad or something?!? She had a cosmo and he had beer. Why the fuck I was at Copeland�s, I don�t know.

Home, sweet home.

Posted by alex at 11:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Susan's dead. Long live Susan.

Posted by alex at 8:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Well, as the death toll tops 50,000, and our brains try to wrap themselves around the full nightmare of that number (something essentially impossible), something else about Sunday's earthquake seems almost more shocking: the earthquake was so powerful that it affected the rotation of the Earth.

Now, before that freaks you out too much, we'll go ahead and assure you that you don't have to worry about adjusting your watch, or preparing for us to go spinning off our orbit. The good geophysicists at Slate have the full explanation for you here.

Posted by alex at 8:55 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

merry christmas everyone. Planetarium will be entering our annual alcohol-induced stupor for the next two days. we'll see you on Monday. Beware of the eggnog. Oh, and tidings of comfort and joy and alll that.

Posted by alex at 5:53 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

hey folks- Planetarium needs all of you whiny picky movie folks to take a deep breath, and realize that you CAN separate appreciation of a trailer from whatever actual movie might lie behind it. There were some stinky movies this past year that had some glorious trailers, where the editor of said trailer clearly should have directed the movie.

That said, this is a trailer for a Robert Rodriguez movie. Worrisome, we know- the man hasn't made a good film since The Faculty, and that was 1997. We're ESPECIALLY including last year's dreadful Once Upon A Time In Mexico, because you really don't want to see that one. That being said, directors are like winters- just because the last three sucked doesn't mean the next one won't be awesome. So sit down, relax, and enjoy what is undeniably a cool trailer. The film? Sin City. Noir heaven, folks. Have a good time.

Posted by alex at 7:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

We'd like to provide a link for you right here to the review of the new film by Clint Eastwood, Million Dollar Baby. Speaking for the folks were who utterly pissed by the blatant misogyny of last year's Mystic River, this review who leave me dubious were it not for the fact that A.O. Scott was also among those of us who hated that picture. So his proclamation that it is "one of the best films of the year" is much more intriguing than it would be otherwise. And besides, Hillary Swank is always better when she's being masculine.

Posted by alex at 9:34 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Planetarium's going to see it tomorrow. We plan to yell "Oh Shit!" everytime Blade does something "badass".

Posted by alex at 10:27 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

That's right, all you right-wing Planetarium fans- be lonely no more:

www.conservativematch.com

Apparently, a woman named Beatrice Worthington III is our soulmate.

Posted by alex at 9:16 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

As we all try to become accustomed to that giant sucking sound that's taken hold over the greater part of the continental U.S. since November 2, a few folks, per the usual end-of bylaws, are offering some sentiments. Also as usual, most of them suck. However, there's a fairly entertaining one by Dean Opperman in the Pasadena Weekly. "I don't know about you, but I'm getting a Republican haircut just to blend in."

You can read it here.

Posted by alex at 6:39 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

From Babelogue comes our fluff piece to kill three minutes of your time:

Porn Star or My Little Pony? You Make the Call.

Posted by alex at 4:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Here's one that could be the worst thing ever, just not sure. But maybe you should see the trailer for yourself, to get a feel for this potential un disastre grande.

Click here to see the trailer for Tim Burton's Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

Posted by alex at 5:53 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

It's time for Planetarium's weekly Friday night summation of all the important news from today. Because Friday is "Take Out the Trash" Day in news- the day where everyone who has a story they don't want getting big press releases dumps their unwanted stories. And then WE sort them for you, gentle reader. Here we go:

- Barry Bonds (baseball player) used lots and lots of steroids. Oops. But he didn't KNOW they were steroids. He thought it was syringes filled with candy.

- More college kids are killing themselves. Thank God. The job market sucks enough as it is.

- There will be a new election in Ukraine by Dec. 24. America is wholly bored.

- A lot less jobs sprung into being than everyone thought would. Clap your hands faster to make more of them get their wings.

Posted by alex at 8:14 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Every once in a while, Planetarium gets a scoop on something that seems to have slipped through everyone else's fingers. You won't find this on Ain't It Cool, or Dark Horizons, or any of the other usual scoop sites on movies like this. So here's your Planetarium exlcusive for the day: Some folks over in the country populated entirely by criminals have put together an interesting-looking flick, called Alexandra's Project. Your can view the trailer here. It's not the best quality in the world, but it left us quite intrigued. It should be opening state-side in late January. Looking forward to it.

Posted by alex at 6:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Now, as any good Joss Whedon fan knows, Firefly: The Complete Series has been available on DVD for much of this year. Due to a bizarre set of circumstances beyond our control, Planetarium has not been able to view them. Until now. Now, it's not Buffy, true- no, it's not Angel, either- but what it is happens to be a damned well-made space-western-scifi-epic that is also addictive as hell. It's not set in the Buffiverse, and it doesn't have to be. As anyone who's been reading Whedon's writing in the current run of Astonishing X-Men knows, that man can pretty much turn to gold anything he gets into his hands. Also, you'll be that much more ahead of everyone else when the big screen, $40-million adaption of the series hits screens next summer. So put down that DVD, whatever it is, and go get Firefly. This is a winner, folks.

Posted by alex at 2:47 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Planetarium had the supreme displeasure of seeing about 40 minutes of the film Shallow Hal earlier this evening. This is rare for us, in fact, it might be a first: We are issuing a prime directive to not see this movie, as it may be one of the most offensive films ever made, and it will harm you as a person to see it. Yeah, it's that bad. We've never gone so far before. (Oh, wait- forgot about Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back.)
What makes it so especially disgusting is the fact that everyone involved in the movie seems to think they're making an extremely smart, sensitive, progressive movie about body image, and about how it's what's on the INSIDE that counts. So, let's get this straight: If you're a nice person, that means that on the inside you look like Gwyneth fucking Paltrow?!?! If you're mean, that's means that on the inside you look overweight? So super-skinny blondes are the representation of "niceness"?!?! How about a big "fuck you" to the perpetrators of that idea, huh? Yeah- you heard us. So, tonight's message is: Fuck Shallow Hal. And fuck anyone who thinks a size 2 is the epitome of beauty.

Posted by alex at 11:07 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Monday nights are so fascinating, aren't they? You see and hear about the most INTERESTING things.

Posted by alex at 9:55 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

And it sounds like once we see "The Machinist" (click on title for the trailer), we'll be liking him even more. The NYT review of it is one of the most praiseworthy pieces on a so-called "genre" film that we've seen in quite some time. By all means, bring it on. Bale is an actor who's best performances thus far have been limited to the arthouse cinema, thereby guaranteeing a lack of Oscar nominations that he has earned several times over, by our estimation.

Posted by alex at 11:32 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

As we finish our late shift here at Planetarium world headquarters, two things tonight were good, both from Comedy Central:

1. As a follow-up to our previous post, The Daily Show was inspired this evening. John Stewart: "Let's see, what did I do Firday........got a haircut......had a falafel sandwich........called a guy a dick on national television...". Later on: "By the way, all three of the other guys are just as big of dicks as Carlson. I didn't want them to be offended by being left out." God bless the man. And his moment of Zen was James Carville saying "I think Stewart is well-informed, I just think he's a pompous ass."

2. Nobody seems to have noticed, but Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn is actually a great show once in a while, you know, when the guests are all people sane enough to not start screaming over each other. When it's good, it's a funny, well-reasoned show with 4 folks from all over the political spectrum making intelligent points- and that includes right-wingers. As John Stewart would say, it's what Crossfire SHOULD be.

Posted by alex at 10:46 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Man.....we can't remember the last time a fucking TRAILER made us jump. Color us officially excited now. Hideo Nakata, the director of the original Japanese masterpieces, has jumped on board to helm this, and we can honestly say, we will never hear the sound of children's scissors cutting the same way again.

CLICK HERE to go "yipes!"

Posted by alex at 10:26 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Now, we at Planetarium aren't usually the biggest fans of New York Times film critic A.O. Scott, but he seems to have come up with a quite deft and insightful analysis of a movie almost ALL of us are going to see whether we think it'll be good or not, Team America: World Police. Most interestingly, Scott seems to latch onto a point that Planetarium has made several times in the past: despite their "equal-opportunity offender" mask, the South Park creators have quite the conservative streak. He notes that the movie ultimately ends up making an argument for America being not just the world's police, but even a Gestapo of sorts. And if a few priceless statues get blown up, a few thousand innocent people get killed, hey, it's the price of business.

What's that? Of COURSE we're still going to see it.

Posted by alex at 9:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Man, how many times can Planetarium be RIGHT?!?!?!

from today's Tech/News pages:

People who have used cell phones for at least 10 years might have an increased risk of developing a rare brain tumor, according to a study published Wednesday in the international journal Epidemiology.

A team of researchers at Institute of Environmental Medicine at the Karolinska Institute in Stockholm, Sweden, found almost a fourfold increase of the tumors, known as acoustic neuromas, on the side of the head where the phone was most often held.

The work was done as part of the World Health Organization's cell phone research agenda, and experts in the field said it must be taken seriously and is likely to rekindle consumer worries about the risks of using the phones.

"The Karolinska researchers are respected around the world, and this study will force health agencies to take a fresh look at mobile phone risks," said Louis Slesin, publisher of Microwave News, who has been covering the industry since its early days. "This study should put an end to the industry's call to stop mobile phone health research."

Posted by alex at 8:26 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

After a long day of hard work here at the Planetarium office, we decided to unwind with a viewing of the 1979 Lucio Fulci film Zombie. We were drawn to the film by the promise of one thing, and one thing alone:
ZOMBIE VS. SHARK FIGHT! ZOMBIE VS. SHARK FIGHT! ZOMBIE VS. SHARK FIGHT!
Sad to say, we were quite disappointed by this film. Aside from the anticipated scene, this movie was a lame knock-off of the undisputed master of Italian absurdist horror, Dario Argento. (If you haven't seen it yet, go rent Opera right now, you fool). You may know his daughter, Asia Argento, a very attractive- and totally demented- filmmaker in her own right. You may have seen her as Vin Diesel's co-star in XXX. Must be an odd family, seeing as how Dad also directed her in his own film, The Stendhal Syndrome, notable for it's very graphic rape of his daughter. ANyhoo, despite the fabulous notion of a zombie fighting a shark, we must sadly say, you should pass on this one. Sigh....

Posted by alex at 2:07 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Just a quick weekend add- here's the website for the newest film by Marc Evans (director of the quite decent My Little Eye), Trauma. Starring Colin Firth, after viewing the trailer we're thinking this looks to be quite the effective little psychological horror film, even if the premise seems a bit trite.

Posted by alex at 1:04 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Planetarium found this trailer hiding over at IGN/Filmforce.com's site. It appears to be the next Jet Li flick, Unleashed- aka Danny the Dog, as it was originally called- and is getting some darn good reviews from folks in the know. So check out the trailer, because at the very least, a Jet Li movie is always worth seeing, and since it looks like they might actually let him act in this one, well, see for yourself.

Posted by alex at 12:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Hey all-
We managed to do a little searching and unearth the trailer for Mr. and Mrs. Smith, the new action thriller remake with Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. Something about this one has us intrigued, take a look for yourself...

Posted by alex at 6:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

If you're anything like us here at Planetarium, even an affection for Katie Holmes and Marc Blucas isn't going to get you to go out and see "First Daughter", the PG-rated tween-fest released nationally today. BUT- that said, after reading this review of it by the New York Times' Manohla Dargis, the film sounds so deeply weird and unsettling, we just might see it after all. Here's some excerpts from said review- and damned if it isn't just bizarre.

"It takes a little over an hour for "First Daughter," a wish-fulfillment fantasy about the only child of an American president, to go from deeply weird to full-blown subversive. At that point, the title character, a blank slate named Samantha Mackenzie (Katie Holmes), has moved from the White House to college, where she has encountered the typical freshman dissonance, or at least its PG-rated manifestation, including a sassy roommate and the dreamboat down the hall. So far, so formulaic, even despite the occasional ripple, like the cute guy in the Amnesty International T-shirt spiritedly delivering a speech against Sam's dad (Michael Keaton).

....Despite the overblown music, fairy-tale trappings and sugarplum narration that bookends the story (read by the film's director, Forest Whitaker), "First Daughter" plays more like a nightmare than a dream, and an exceedingly unnerving one at that. Sam isn't just a prisoner of her parents' ambitions; like nearly everyone else in this film, she's a zombie, sleepwalking through life while Rome burns.

...As Sam steps out of a limousine, wearing a long white gown and an Audrey Hepburn upsweep, she begins walking in slow motion, afloat on a cloud of happiness and perhaps antidepressants. Behind her, protesters are angrily waving signs � "Free H.I.V. Drugs for Africa," reads one, "Protect Medicare," reads another � but the first daughter is too busy drifting toward her happy ending to notice. "

Posted by alex at 11:19 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Via babelogue, we offer for your consumption: Jaws in 30 Seconds, performed by bunnies.

Posted by alex at 4:29 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Well, there's a new trailer online for Blade:Trinity, and it's significantly less impressive than the previous one. Here's hoping there's an awful lot of Jessica Biel kicking vampire ass in this film. Judging by this new trailer, however, Planetarium has come up for the tagline for the film: "This December, no glass windows will be safe....FROM VAMPIRES!"

Posted by alex at 5:09 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

So, Planetarium just returned from seeing Resident Evil: Apocalypse. While we certainly didn't expect it to live up to the standards of gleeful B-movie ridiculousness set by the first film, we can say that, while satisfied by it, it left a little to be desired. Don't get us wrong: when, in the first five minutes, a guy bungee-jumps out of a helicopter while unloading both guns, we knew that this was going to be worth our while. And Milla Jovovich has certainly proven herself to be one of the best action heroes in America. In fact, anytime she WASN'T on-screen, you were left wondering where the star was. So, in conclusion: more Milla, less anything non-Milla. But entertaining, overall. We usually don't do the "star" system, because it's such a failure, but really, this is a "worth seeing it" - starred movie. So there you go. Enjoy your weekend.

Posted by alex at 2:37 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Wow, you know how every once in a while, especially when you were a kid, you'd sit around going "Wouldn't it be cool if (famous cool person X) got together with (Famous Cool Cultural Item Y) and did (Brand-New EXTREMELY Cool Thing That Would Likely Never Happen)"? Come on, you know you still do that today. It's just that you feel sillier saying it out loud now that you're...ahem....respectable.

Well, this news, if it turns out to be true, will be one of those things. Too good to be true. Unreal. We at Planetarium will walk around in a dazed state for, um...days. See, we get tongue-tied even thinking about it. Wow...

Posted by alex at 6:53 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Well, for those of us who are going to be seeing "Resident Evil:Apocalypse" this weekend, the New York Times says that we're going to have a good time:

"If you are in the mood for leggy heroines blasting down zombie armies with absurdly large automatic weapons, the film gives very good value for the money."

Huzzah for the B-movie Rennaissance!

Posted by alex at 6:25 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

We at Planetarium have yet to see Michael Mann's newest flick, though we keep hearing very good things about it. It seems once again, all you haters misjudged not only Mann but Cruise, a guy who slams it out of the park once every three movies or so. So go check it out, and we will too. In the meantime, there was a great little exchange today on Ain't It Cool where a guy was raving about how great Collateral is, and mentions the fact that Will Smith's real-life wife is one of the people that makes the film great. The first response to this: "So when did Will Smith and Jamie Foxx get married, anyways?"

Posted by alex at 6:06 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

The San Francisco Bay Guardian has released its list of the 10 Big Stories That the Media Ignore. And almost all of them point out two things: that this is indeed the scariest administration ever, and that it might not matter if we "vote" them out of office- they'll find a way to win no matter what.

Posted by alex at 1:54 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Here you go: The trailer for Resident Evil: Apocalypse. Promising, indeed...

oh, right. Sorry, non-Mac users. Almost forgot you. Here you go.

Posted by alex at 3:08 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

When Planetarium referenced Buffy as "everybody's favorite vampire slayer", someone offered the witty rejoinder that Blade II was their favorite slayer. So, in the spirit of fair play, and also in the spirit that this trailer looks fucking righteous, we offer you all the trailer for Blade:Trinity. Enjoy.

Posted by alex at 9:27 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Hey all, we don't do this often, but there's another blog out there that's actually worth your time. He's a newbie, and you can find him here at Filament. Offering a literary perspective, and a recent arrival in Ann Arbor, natch. We'd especially recommend the posting about the group of bees that got him free cable.

Posted by alex at 8:32 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Oh, man, you've gotta see this to believe it. Never say that Planetarium doesn't enjoy a good laugh at the expense of Christians....so take a little trip with us to WhereChristiansmeet.com, where, according to the email we received, young hot Christian girls are waiting to meet US!

We especially like the part where, in the survey, it asks your income range, and the fine print reads "Minimum $25,000 Required".

Posted by alex at 5:42 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Apologies to everybody's favorite vampire slayer. We offer a bow of the head in response to the realizaton that in yesterday's rundown of the more exciting upcoming films, we neglected to include Sarah Michelle Gellar's forthcoming The Grudge (click on link for the trailer). Not only did they manage to snag original director Takeshi Shimizu, but they filmed in Japan, good folks. And with Sam Raimi producing, we smell success. And scary goodness.

Posted by alex at 11:47 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Alright, since it's the weekend, and the end of August is fast approaching, like a crowd of soccer moms at a new Ikea store, we here at Planetarium thought it might be time to offer a heads-up on some of the more promising-looking films that will be hitting the screens over the next couple months. We've added links to trailers when possible. (Oh, and BTW- we will admit that we misjudged AvP. Sorry folks, even we get it wrong now and then. Mostly then.)

Leaving aside films that have a gosh-cool-but-it'll-probably-suck factor already added in (paging Sky Captain), we thought the first intriguing film to delve into the cyber-noir - other than Code 46 - will be The Final Cut, the debut film from Omar Naim, about a world of implants that allow for recording memories, which can then be assembled and viewed post-morten by others. Early word is that audience reception has been kind and critical reception is....not. Most Likely Reason it Could Suck: Robin Williams is in it.

More likely to reel in Planetarium, talent-wise, is the quickly appproaching The Forgotten. No, not a film about Howard Dean; the movie stars the lovely Julianne Moore as a woman who wants her son back, the only problem being nobody else seems to think she ever had a son. Early TV clips seems to promise a classicly elegant thriller, something in rare breed these days, and Moore kicks ass, so here's hoping. Most Likely Reason it Could Suck: The ending was re-shot last month. That's rarely done because the movie is too awesome, and they want to make it less so.

Next up is something that looks so crazy, it just might work. We're referring to David O. Russell's latest, I Heart Huckabee's (click to see the trailer). We're not sure Fox Searchlight knows how the hell to market this thing, and that can often mean good things for a film's quality. It's just that, well, it really looks crazy. But given Rusell's track record (Spanking the Monkey, Three Kings), we're gonna give him the benefit of the doubt. Most Likely Reason it Could Suck: The film seems to involve existential detectives. Anyone remember A Life Less Ordinary?

Now, on to something we're excited about. What would you expect if you combined Nicole Kidman with director Jonathan Glazer (Sexy Beast)? Answer: nothing remotely like Birth (click for trailer- it's zipped), a movie that is apparently about a young boy claiming to be Nic's reincarnated dead husband. Color us fascinated, especially given the controversy already brewing over a bathtub scene. Props to Ms. Kidman for continuing what's shaping up to be an impressive winning streak. Most Likely Reason it Could Suck: Well, it does sound kind of silly.

Another film that will quite probably kick all sorts of ass: John Sayles' Silver City (click for the trailer). This political satire opening a month or so before the elections becomes even more beguiling when you learn that Sayles asked his star, Chris Cooper, to intentionally model his dimwitted politician character after George W. Most Likely Reason it Could Suck: Hmmmmm.........nope, nothing yet.

And finally, we want to offer something for you dark weirdo movie lovers out there, as well, so look out, 'cause here comes The Machinist, starring Christian Bale as a factory worker who, after years of barely sleeping, begins to doubt his own sanity. Bale's at his best playing these fucked-up creepy types, and the movie have received generally positive buzz out of Sundance, so it might be a must-see for you arty thriller types. Most Likely Reason it Could Suck: Christian, there aren't any dragons you and Matt McConaughey have to fight in this, are there?

Posted by alex at 6:47 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Here it is, your first look at the next Wes Anderson flick...The Life Aquatic. His trailers never say much, so it's hard to tell, but nonetheless, intriguing. Would you agree?

In Quicktime or

Windows Media Player / Realplayer

Posted by alex at 10:16 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

A short round of applause is perhaps overdue on this site for John Stewart, host of the Comedy Central regular "The Daily Show". True, this gets stated elsewhere, but how often do you believe the New York Times when it something something is the wittiest, or cleverest, or what have you? But you CAN believe us, because, well, we're very smart. And so is Mr. Stewart- the trenchant eye for biting sature, in the best tradition of Jonathan Swift, is alive and well in this man, and he deserves a fucking country, let alone an Emmy, for what he does each day. So go watch it- it really is that good.

Posted by alex at 11:18 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Folks, I think we have a movie. The world is indeed a scary place right now, lots of frightening goings on everywhere you look, Bush might be President again, and someone has finally responded. That's right, there is a film out there that dares to tackle all the big names, left and right, and try to rescue the Earth from certain destruction in the meantime. It's coming out in October, but in the meantime, the trailer has just been released. So, please, go take a look at the upcoming Team America: World Police.

Posted by alex at 5:58 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Planetarium has never been a big poetry fan. Despite the theoretical and cultural imperatives to appreciate poetry, because it is the only form of writing that can create something beyond just the words laid down on paper (which we actually disagree with, by the way), Planetarium is not a place where poems are gathered and treasured. And yet, every once in a LONG while, at the unlikeliest of times, these things can hit you like a ton of bricks. As did something tonight. After watching repeats of John Kerry's speech, and reading in the Times about yesterday being the bloodiest day yet of fighting in Iraq, along comes Ezra Pound, out of nowhere, to spark something more than most could ever hope for. We won't force you to read it, but, really, if interested, click on the continuation, and see it for yourself, from one of the best, some turns of phrase that capture this "war" we're in so damn well.

Continue reading "Whilst in the Bleak Midwinter" »

Posted by alex at 1:54 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

As always, Friday can't come soon enough, and there's a startlingly large glut of new films being released tomorrow, trying to get enough of the summertime movie-going magic to earn serious cash. And while maybe one or two of them might, it's nevertheless fun to keep track of these things, in much the same way a gambling addict keeps his eyes locked to the horses on the raceway. Which is interesting, considering the special loathing Planetarium holds in our hearts for most of Hollywood.

First up is the man you either refer to as "M. Night Shyamalan" or "that fucking hack", depending on your response to his films. While The Village appears to at least offer a rather unique and impressive story for a genre film, early word on the flick has been something less than, shall we say, good. I see dead box office! Except that not really. Unless it's as bad as we hear, this movie's gonna be a megahit. Next up is the Manchurian Candidate, which, contrary to the assumed forecast, is actually supposed to be pretty damn good. Just because Jonathan Demme's last few have been a couple of clunkers (The Truth About Charlie, anyone?) doesn't at all tell us that the man responsible for The Silence of the Lambs can't make a good movie. The thing is- the first version with Sinatra is one of Planetarium's favorite movies of all time, so this had better be really good. And while we're on the subject: damn, Denzel, take a fucking vacation!

After the big boys, we've got a movie that Planetarium is all a-tingle to see- Zach Braff's directorial debut, Garden State. This movie has kicked all kinds of ass on the festival circuit, including Sundance, and just judging by the trailer, appears the most likely of the weekend films to have the potential for greatness. Call it an unpretentious Lost in Translation. Another movie coming out this weekend is Thunderbirds, which looks to be directly marketed to kids, looks to be a remake of a great TV show without the best parts (puppets), and looks to royally suck to high heaven. So that's that. Go see something this weekend, as it's the beginning of the dog days of August, the best time, in our humble opinion, to see movies on the big screen. Oh, wait, there's one more film coming out this weekend, but we can't remember the name, something about two best friends who get really high and try to get some burgers...we think it's called Harold and Kumar Rape Humanity.

Posted by alex at 7:39 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

First, the good news. I, Robot? Quite satisfyingly entertaining. A simple, well-executed, humorously action-filled (by which we mean the action is often humorous) popcorn movie. The only people who won't enjoy this movie on some level are mega-nerds who whine about how it's not faithful to the book. Sorry, but to Planetarium, that is one of the most ridiculous claims you can level at a film- that it isn't like the book it's based on, or doesn't stay "true to the spirit of the author", or something. They are two completely different things, folks. Go back to rolling your twenty-sided dice. At least I, Robot is honest about it: In the credits, it says "Idea suggested by Isaac Asimov's book".

And, second, just a quick note on day one of the convention. Doesn't Al Gore look a LOT more presidential now that he's stopped running for President? Also, he's become quite soundbite-worthy; we wish he had known how to do that back in 2000. Not that we would've voted for him, then, but maybe a few more other folks would.

Posted by alex at 12:57 AM | Permalink | Comments (9)

Okay, Planetarium assumes you all know by now that the DVD of Bubba Ho-Tep has been out for awhile. But we feel the need to remind you to purchase it. Not only will you support good independent film, and our favorite actor, Bruce Campbell, but you will get the bonus feature of audio commentary done by the King himself. Sample: "Is this some kinda special effect? Didn't have no special effects when we filmed Double Trouble or Girls!Girls!Girls!, well, maybe I was the special effect. No mummies, that's for sure." What are you waiting for?

Posted by alex at 1:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Planetarium was led by TCB to a site that really kicked our collective ass, in a game wherein you pretend to be a dictator or TV sitcom character and this site will guess who you are. It defeated every staffer at Planetarium in eight rounds out of eight. Kudos, automated guessing site- you are the master.

Posted by alex at 5:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Well, as you probably know if you're a regular reader, Planetarium has been expecting I, Robot to suck to high heaven. And while it's maybe a bit premature to say that it won't, Harry Knowles thinks it's actually kinda fun. Ain't It Cool is a respectable barometer of whether or not nerd movies are fun (though occasionally he REALLY misses the boat, if anyone remembers his somewhat positive review of League of Extraordinary Gentlemen), and if most of the reviews are saying "not too bad", well, it's potentially not too bad. Good news for those of us who are such geeks that we're gonna go see it no matter what.

Posted by alex at 5:55 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)

The Times has a pretty great little article about Seth McFarlane and the coming season of The Family Guy. For those of you not in the know, Family Guy is one of the greatest comedic creations of the last twenty years, and we feel sorry for you for not having seen any of it. Go buy the DVDs with the link we provided. We'll wait. Good. Now then, Planetarium is simply all a-tingle at the prospect of new episodes, and we hope you are, too.

Posted by alex at 6:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Palindromes. You love 'em, you know it. You should try going to the Google listings and check them out. It's Planetarium's official time-waster of the day. Sort of like the news of Edwards becoming the Veep candidate.

Posted by alex at 9:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Remember that crappy show lots of us had to watch back in grade school where the dude from Star Trek read you a book? Well, it was just on PBS and as freaky as ever. But it did remind Planetarium that we've been neglecting our duties for informing you all of good summer reading. So today's book is courtesy of a first-time author, whose follow-up book apparently isn't quite up to snuff. But that won't stop us from recommending Zadie Smith's debut novel White Teeth. Funny, smart, a quick read, very enjoyable. Set in England, which is almost always cooler. Really, a textbook definition of a summer read. We read it in two weeks, but then again, we're not exactly possessed of vast expanses of free time these days. And if good fun books aren't your cup of tea, we'll be back in a few days with something a little more serious. In the meantime, we encourage you to post a comment and offer YOUR suggestion for a good summer read.

Posted by alex at 6:53 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Okay, folks, we here at Command Central just discovered possibly one of the greatest poems of the new millenium- and it's up on our very own website!

That's right, the good folks at Christian Online Dating (one of the approximately 10 bazillion companies that now use programs that troll the internet looking for blogs, and posting ads for their companies in the 'comments' sections) have apparently hired either Charles Bukowski or the ghost of Henry Miller - we can't tell which - to write ad-poems for them. Frankly, we think it's sheer art. But see for yourself- either go to the "comments" section from our post about Paul Krugman's new editorial from two days ago, or just click here to be taken there. It's otherwordly.

Posted by alex at 6:32 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

That's right, according to Ain't It Cool News, a guy at a Chuck Pahlaniuk signing last night was able to confirm the rather odd rumor that they are going to be making Fight Club into a musical. Apparently, Pahlaniuk okayed it because Fincher wants to be involved, as does trent Reznor, of all people, who wants to do the score. We at Planetarium are hoping for a lilting soliloquy in D, early on, about Ikea.

Posted by alex at 5:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

While Planetarium was moving, Kate Silver was chalking up posting after clever posting. Go see who's having all the fun.

In other news, the U.S. "handed over power" today, two days early. They cited security concerns, and for once, we believe them. After all, what better way to make a "handover of power" look as pointless and empty as it is than by ratcheting up the body count on Wednesday? If Planetarium ran the press secretary's office, we'd have done the same thing.

Posted by alex at 5:29 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

SO- Planetarium finagled access to an ultra-exclusive screening of Fahrenheit 9/11 last night, the day before the official release, so that we could give you, dear readers, a pre-hype guide to the water-cooler talk for the weekend, so you know just what to say to the annoying people who come up to you and want to talk about it before you've seen it. We've even prepared a couple of sentences that you can spew out quickly and then retreat, leaving them with the distinct impression that you, too, have already seen it. So when that fuckin' dork at the bar or at the next cubicle down sidles up to you while you're trying to finish reading the sweet piece on Batman Begins in the newest Entertainment Weekly, and says "So what'd you think about Fahrenheit 9/11?", you can reply forthrightly:

1. "Ahhh, it was good. Not great, but good. Don't you wish it had been funnier?"

2. "Man, it got a lot better in the second hour, didn't it? Once he forgot about everything else and just focused on the Iraq war?"

3. (assume blank look)"What the hell is THAT?" (pull copy of Hustler out of back pocket) "I'm just tryin' to get my FREAK on, knamean?"

All three will be patently true. At least, we assume you're trying to get your freak on. But one and two are definitely true. It's a serioud topic, to be sure, but Moore seems to be falling into the trap of political satirists since time immemorial: He seems to have stopped making good entertainment out of being outraged, and is instead just plain outraged. There's some moments of hilarity, but the best clips you already saw in the trailer. Drag, right? This is not to say it's not very worth seeing, just that you may have to be in a slightly different demographic to really love it. (Planetarium brought a friend who was NOT a Michael Moore fan normally, and she really enjoyed it.)

On the other hand, we DO have a movie that requires your immediate attention. A movie destined for greatness. A movie that demands repeat watching, to fully appreciate just how great it is. We refer, of course, to Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story". Ben Stiller and Vince Vaughn have apparently remembered how to be funny again, because it's Stiller's best work since Zoolander, and Vaughn's best since, well, Old School. Okay, not so long ago- guess Vaughn is just more consistent.

We'll be back this weekend with more truth- here on Planetarium.

Posted by alex at 8:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Wow, did we miss THAT deadline by a country mile. Crap. S'pose we've been a little too busy moving into the new Planetarium offices, unpacking, changing the address on our Gumby porn site, you know, the usual.

We do apologize in advance (actually, way behind, regards our deadline) for this unusual error on our part. Rest assured, there is lots of exciting stuff to come. Reviews, analyses, editorials, politics, all delivered in the unique brand of intellectual snarkiness you've come to expect from the Planetarium brand.

SO - start checking in a little more often, and we promise there will be things happening. For sure.

Posted by alex at 9:51 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

We were gone for the weekend, so sorry. Had to see some folks about some things, but we're back and excited for the new week. Here's a peek at what's been on our minds:

1. Metric - Old World Underground, Where Are You Now? This is Blondie for the New Millenium. Planetarium's already in love with the lead singer.

2. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Oh, yes, you can run, but you can't hide. Eventually, you WILL see this, and when you do, it'll be time for a good stiff drink. As well as a rather ugly confrontation with your own neuroses.

3. Can - Anthology. You know how there's this big gap in German history between the end of World War II and the fall of the Berlin Wall? You ever what what they were doing during that time? Well, here it is. This is the first Can anthology that really compiles together a great representative spectrum of what they were all about. Go Kraut-rock!

4. Planetarium's Entertainment Weekly subscription. The snarkiest and most snidely intellectual of the weekly pop-trash mags, EW has the sense of humor you always wish you had when putting down popular culture. Like referring to the film Waterworld as Fishtar.

5. Air America Radio. Even Chuck D is kicking ass now.

6. "Clark Gable", off of The Postal Service - Give Up. A song that somehow manages to completely rock and simultaneously completely depress us. The perfect melancholy, what-do-I-do-now, the-world-seems-cold-and-foreboding song. God bless the mutation of emo into electremo (this term copyright Planetarium 2004).

Posted by alex at 8:43 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

That's right, we know what a large percentage of our readers are big ol' nerds, and this is for you.

Posted by alex at 11:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Planetarium is a little bit obsessed these days, and with good reason: we're all reading Philip Roth's Pulitzer-Prize-winning American Pastoral. This fairly simple story of a Jewish father whose American dream turns into a nightmare (ouch, we apologize for that one, we've clearly been doing too many reviews lately) is definitely one of the more impressive novels we've come across of late. It's the kind of book we all want to be reading all the time, but rarely are: that great book that inspires us to think and be moved simultaneously, political and personal, weighty yet compulsively readable, the kind of novel you'd like to think of yourself as being capable of writing, yet know you aren't. Seeing as how we always want to be reading this kind of book, how come we rarely are? And television is no longer as good an excuse as it once was.

Posted by alex at 10:55 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Now, you all are certainly well aware that here at Planetarium, we try to make it our business to inform anyone and everyone within shouting distance that Japanese cinema has been experiencing a renaissance for the past few years, on par wth the great American one of the 70's. From the most riveting family dramas, to a particular rebirth in suspense, sci-fi, and thrillers, Japan has been kicking our ass lately. Planetarium has had naysayers come to it with "Oh yeah? Well, what about big crazy special-effects action movies? Huh, smart guys? Huh?" To which we respond, "um, do you mean, like, Titanic?" Having good taste is rough sometimes, we know.

And so, with the poor segue of ZING!- we turn your attention to a trailer we were just tipped off to by a buddy over at Ain't It Cool, who has alerted us to the coolest-looking, weirdest, craziest action-cyber-arty-thingie film to come along the pike in some time. We have no idea what it's like, who made it, or what it's about. All we have is the name of it: Gusher No Binds Me. Click on there, and it will take you to the most intriguing thing we've seen in awhile.

Posted by alex at 8:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Michael Gondry, folks, deserves your attention. We here at Planetarium think that this little Frenchman has it in the palm of his hand, and you should all take a good look. There are several ways to do this.

1. Michael Gondry's DVD, a collection of the music videos he's directed. A wonderful introduction to his visual styles, sensibility, and aesthetics.

2. His first film, Human Nature, which some like. Yeah, it's like that.

3. His new movie, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Planetarium just saw this a short while ago, so it's too soon for a review, because we're still digesting it. Wow. Check it out, and let us know what your take on it is.

4. If you need a quick-fix, there's this cute video for a song from the film by the Polyphonic Spree. Enjoy.

Posted by alex at 10:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Mouse Mini-golf. It took us three tries to break par.

Posted by alex at 6:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Sorry everyone, but we here at Planetarium had to decided a three-day weekend to clear our heads. It seems that our swelling base of support was a little too much for our humble server, and so down they went. So sorry.

But back we are, with a nice sampler platter of items and issues to tickle your fancy. Or perhaps we're just still p.o.'d we all flunked out of maitre' d school. Anyone's call, really.

1. Dawn of the Dead is coming to a theater near you this Friday, and has been almost universally stamped with the seal of approval form those who know what's what. Considering the hot streak Planetarium has been on, recommendations-wise, this should be a no-brainer. Hey, how about that, zombie movie references come merely unbidden by now.

2. From the cover story of the Times today:

"Bush's Campaign Emphasizes Role of Leader in War"

3. We really liked Things You Shouldn't Do to Baby Chickens at first, but rather quickly it proves the old saw that cute animals are more important than ugly ones, because, come on, it's so cute. The Jesus one is pretty good though.

Posted by alex at 11:39 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

AwfulPlasticSurgery.com

Posted by alex at 4:08 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

We don't want to give it away. All we're going to say right now is that there is an online-only trailer for this film for a limited time, that you should really go check out. It's quite true that this film was clearly made possible by the wild success of Freddy Vs. Jason last fall. It's also possible that you feel that things like this are a trashy, lowbrow waste of time. Or, if you're like Planetarium, you think that things like this are trashy, lowbrow, wildly entertaining (and usually very clever) bundles of fun. And you'd be right. So give it a chance, eh? (If it doesn't look appealing to you, we're guessing you haven't seen Freddy Vs. Jason yet either, huh.)

Posted by alex at 7:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

That's right, every so rarely there's justice, and as the headline to this story (which will warm your heart) reads "Martha Stewart Found Guilty On All Four Counts", you can clearly see that some just desserts have been richely served. There's a lot of malarky in the press about how the pleasure people are taking in her downfall is because she's a powerful woman. Planetarium respectfully disagrees. This Newport-bred bitch is going to jail, and it warms our hearts.

Next up: We're coming for Kenneth Lay with an Uzi.

Posted by alex at 6:26 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)

Okay, after viewing this latest trailer for Marvel's next film, Planetarium feels very torn about whether or not it will be good. On one hand, we have a couple of cool-looking shots, paired with an actor who's always been pretty great in everything. And it's looking faithful, if you're a nerd and care- still got the ad space on his t-shirt apparently rented by Skeletor.

ON THE OTHER HAND, it has some rather large strikes against it. Travolta as the bad guy? That's usually movie-code for "Do Not See This". And the cliches: Butterfly knife? Check. Slow-mo jump-kick? Check. Detonating a car right behind him while calmly walking away? Check. Just once, we'd like to see the hero twitch after an explosion and say, "My Goodness, that was loud!" And the inevitable butt-rock soundtrack doesn't bode well, either. As of now, we give it a 50/50 chance to be either X-Men or......(shudder).....Daredevil.

Posted by alex at 5:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Now that this year's Academy Awards are over and done, Planetarium again picking nine of the ten major awards correctly, it's time to quickly revisit what we've learned from the past year's contention:

1) Clint Eastwood makes good film, but darned if he isn't a raging mysogynist.

2) Charlize Theron again proved that by daring to actually look ugly on camera, Hollywood will give you its highest honor.

3) Sean Penn is a bad-ass.

Feel free to chime in with any other lessons we're glossing over.

Posted by alex at 11:15 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

This probably needs to be seen to be believed.

Are YOU that special somone he's looking for?

Posted by alex at 6:54 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Planetarium really doesn't want to revisit this topic much, but as usual, Atrios does a pitch-perfect job of explaining in three short sentences why Gibson is screwed-up. That said, we don't really want to hear about it again.

Posted by alex at 6:18 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

So, unless you've been living under a rock for the last three months with your fingers in your ears, you have some sort of opinion about Mel Gibson's new film, The Passion of the Christ. Planetarium hasn't seen it yet, but is actually planning to. In the meantime, however, here's one of the most no-bullshit, cut-to-the-chase, and interesting reviews we've seen of it. Not least of which because of the talkback forum that is listed after the review. Talk about eye-opening. We have to admit, our favorite post came from the guy who titled his feedback "A movie about Jesus getting his ass whooped? I am SO there."

Posted by alex at 1:23 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

SO- turn on the DVD players, crack open a beer (or whiskey- we here at Planetarium are rocking the Maker's Mark these days), and enjoy the show, because we've got a new recommendation for your viewing pleasure here. That's right; the self-sacrificing folks we gainfully employ free of charge have scoured the shelves and come up with a film we believe merits attention.

This week's entry is entitled Suicide Club, a 2002 offering from Japan (big surprise, we know). Any movie that opens up with a subway shot wherein 54 smiling, peppy schoolgirls suddenly link hands and jump off the platform into an oncoming train has got our attention. And the movie itself is fascinating. Note the choice of words- we said fascinating, not great. Maybe it isn't a great movie. Maybe it is. Frankly, we still can't tell. But we do know this- it's very interesting, which, for our money, makes it much more worth seeing than any number of "good" films. Be warned: the bizarre leap, halfway through the film, into David Lynch territory surprised the hell out of us, too.

So there you have it- Planetarium tested, Planetarium approved. Don't say we didn't warn you. Though, all things being equal, if you look back at our recommendations over the past six months, we've got a pretty great track record going. Not to toot our own horn or anything.

Posted by alex at 11:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Help us out, will you?

SaveAngel.com

If it worked for a crappy thing like "Ed", it can work for Angel, one of the finest things on TV.

And don't worry, we'll get to Ralph Nader VERY soon, my friend.

Posted by alex at 3:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Planetarium's recommendation for the weekend is for some of that writing stuff we know some of you are so fond of reading. There's a little online site entitled Keep It Coming which boasts the ability to deliver to your inbox, twice a week, a wide variety of serial stories in just about any genre you can choose. It lets you browse and sample each of the ongoing stories advertised, so you can pick whichever one seems cool- and then, for a mere three dollars and some change, you get your very own novel coming at you like a, um, well, serial novel I guess. Give us a break- writers need weekends too. Planetarium's recommendation: the sci-fi serial "Item 2779". Check it out.

Posted by alex at 9:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Planetarium wanted to take a little moment to give you all some goood news: The upcoming Marvel film The Punisher is going to rock. That's right, so put away your fears of another Daredevil and instead enjoy a gritty revenge flick that extends one of the most successful creative streaks in modern Hollywood history.

Posted by alex at 5:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Allow Planetarium to be the one to break the awful news to you: Angel has been cancelled. Yes, that's right, one of the only shows left on TV that was still worth watching has just gotten the axe. No, they didn't see it coming. Yes, they will finish out the season. And Planetarium has gotten hold of a heartbreaking posting by show creator Joss Whedon, thanking the fans, talking about the show, and whatnot. If you want to read it, click here and scroll about a third of the way down. If you don't care that much, at least take a moment to recognize genius when you find it, and read these parting words from Mr. Whedon himself:

I've never made mainstream TV very well. I like surprises, and TV isn't about surprises, unless the surprise is who gets voted off of something. I've been lucky to sneak this strange, strange show over the airwaves for as long as I have. I don't FEEL lucky, but I understand that I am.

Thanks all for your support, your community, and your perfectly sane devotion. It's meant a lot. Remember the words of the poet:

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I took the road less traveled by and they CANCELLED MY FRIKKIN' SHOW. I totally shoulda took the road that had all those people on it. Damn."

See you soon.

-j.

Damn is right.

Posted by alex at 5:46 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

This ostentatious title of a posting is really nothing more than an excuse for Planetarium to direct your view to a deft and insightful essay by the otherwise unreliable A.O. Scott, the Times' film critic. Whether you agree or disagree with his taste in film (Planetarium tends towards the latter), Scott has penned a dead-on piece about the disappearance of the star actor. Even while finding his choices of "great actors" somewhat humorous (Charlize Theron? Really? You must be high), it is absolutely true that with more "celebs" than we know what to do with, the idea of a start actor surpassing his film with each go-around is fast fading as a desirable commodity. And it's true that the notion of a great film vis-a-vis the notion of great acting are fast becoming two very different things. Return of the King is clearly one of the best films of the year, but Elijah, Sean, and Viggo had circles acted around them by, for example, Holly Hunter in Thirteen.

Is it that obvious Planetarium is an Oscar buff, no matter how ridiculous the awards get with each passing year?

Posted by alex at 5:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

antinomy�[�n'tinohmee]
noun
(plural: �-mies)

1�
opposition of one law, principle, or rule to another; contradiction within a law

2�
(Philosophy)�contradiction existing between two apparently indubitable propositions; paradox

[ETYMOLOGY: 16th Century: from Latin antinomia, from Greek: conflict between laws, from anti- + nomos law]
antinomic�[�ntih'nomik]�adjective
anti'nomically�adverb(ial)

Posted by alex at 1:25 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I think Kate made agreat point in the last posting, mentioning TV life. I remember watching the NBC 75th Anniversary special, and it was featuring all these clips from the Cosby show, Family Ties, I LoveLucy, etc. And it was so bizarre, because Planetarium realized that THIS was our hsitory, fictional television shows, clips we all remember, excerpts that never happened from an existence we all remember. Creepy, no?

Posted by alex at 11:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

To: Kate Silver

Subject: Big Fish, Tim Burton, the id of the psyches, familial struggles, Eddie
Vedder, the �other woman�.

Finally got back from seeing Big Fish a couple of nights ago, much to my satisfaction. That�s really what it�s about, after all, isn�t it? Satisfaction? The perfect resolution? Above and beyond the typical Hollywood ending, past the point of narrative, into a sort of ultimate �happily ever after�? Though perhaps I�m getting a little ahead of myself. Yes, best to start, not at the beginning or ending, but at a halfway house, right between �then� and �there�, because it seems that�s what Tim Burton demands of all his subjects: a continual feedback loop, always starting the race squarely out of sight of both the opening gate and the finish line.

Big Fish is perhaps as much a Tim Burton film as any other one he�s made- especially at this point in his career, when things like Planets of the Apes start to look like detours he wandered into for fear of telling the same story over and over. I can immediately see what drew him into adapting this novel- no other Hollywood director of the past decade or so has been so obviously crying out for a full-on Oedipal struggle as Burton. To recap: Director starts off his auteur-status career with Pee-Wee�s Big Adventure, a youthful, raging id of the psyches of film if ever their was one. He had just passed the mirror stage, and was reveling in all the pretty colors the world had to offer him. Beetlejuice added to this flair by showing that even night terrors are nothing more than flipsides of a wonderful, surreal palatte of life�s offerings, that inevitably display as much appeal as the harmless. But kids grow up mighty fast these days, and Burton seemed to realize that with Edward Scissorhands, where we see the director as perpetual outsider, and literally the entire world around him ends up playing the role of the vengeful father to Winona Ryder�s unattainable object of desire. I�m always tempted to see the film as a near-explicit allegory of Burton�s then-recent submersion into the Hollywood machine- a frustrated loner who wouldn�t hurt a fly, trying only to make works of beauty, but doomed to be forever thwarted by a cold, uncomprehending world. Reinforcing this was the fact that Burton made �Scissorhands� right in between the two films that vaulted him to the top of the A-list: Batman and Batman Returns- clearly classic Hollywood experiences if ever there were any.

But I don�t want to digress too much; after all, that seemed to be what the nineties were about for Burton: a way of distracting his growing-up-too-fast, psychology-obsessed mind with other pleasures, setting objet-a placebos in front of his raging desire for the ungraspable. Naturally, they were still items that hit close to home: Ed Wood is about as Burton as you can get, and the similarities are undeniable, even to detractors. And Burton seemed to have looked at Wood and said, �Hey, I can do that too!�, because immediately following next was Mars Attacks!, an homage as heartfelt as can be managed with a $50 million budget. However, it�s clear that, no matter what he tackled, the man was on a collision course with his muse. Sleepy Hollow is a film with more burning psycho-sexual undertones than anything since Blue Velvet. I mean, come on: Johnny Depp�s Ichabod, the man of logic and science and industry, literally plunges his probe into a gap in a bleeding tree; need we say more? The film�s infatuation with Depp�s naivete, Christina Ricci�s pubescent, innocent sexuality, and the fear of castration represented by the Headless Horseman were things that Burton seemed like he had been trying to say for years; trying to deal with them only seemed to make him more obsessed, more determined to tackle his issues head-on.

Imagine his surprise, then, when the script for �Big Fish� was literally tossed into his lap. The ostensible protagonist hates his father, loves his mother, can�t always communicate well with his wife, and is resolutely determined not to follow in Dad�s footsteps. I don�t know anything about Burton�s background, and I don�t particularly care to, or think it�s important. His celluloid struggles of the misbegotten son and his families have painted a legend his real life could never live up to. Coincidence, then, that this is the exact belief of the son in �Big Fish�? That Dad is a fraud, a phony, making up lies to conceal the fact that he hates his dull-as-reality life? It almost reminded me of Eddie Vedder at times: a man who dislikes painting in broad strokes, who wishes all the grandiosity around him would just disappear; that, gosh, if only we could all be simple and true, then things would be okay. And yes, I did relish the irony when the closing credits faded to the melodies of a new Pearljam song, written just for the film.

�Big Fish� turns out, of course, to be all about the realization of the extremities that make up reality, and the fact that our lives are exactly as we tell them, whatever the hell we choose to make of that. It actually takes a mysterious Ur-women, the presumed �other woman�, to strip away the cobwebs that have blinded our earnest son from the fact that his Dad�s life has always been just as real as you could imagine. And we, and the son, end up resolved to provide the father with exactly the dying farewell that he wants- ultimate wish fulfillment, the attainment of the unattainable. It�s reality meant as fairy tale meant as reality; for that reason, it seems that �Big Fish�, to me, is all about getting what you can never have. Of course, to Burton, this is more than just the message: it�s what he�s desperately hoping is the truth. That it will turn out, in the end, that what we always wanted is what we always have.

To: Alex McCown

Subject: Oedipus Wrecks

Alex, I agree with you on a number of levels, and I thank you for refreshing my memory on a number of Tim Burton films, many of which I�ve seen (with the exception of Sleepy Hollow). Through a number of his characters and sprawling comic book landscapes, Burton�s modus operandi isn�t far from Woody Allen. And why should I bring up Woody Allen? Allen�s Deconstructing Harry is about a writer who cannot function in real life, only in art, where he skews the truth, obscuring the unsavory aspects with pseudonyms. There is also a scene near the end of the film where the characters of Bloom�s fantasy/reality gather to mourn and praise him. It is very much like the ending of "Harry," where Harry Block�s (Allen) characters gather to praise him and offer him an award. Whether the characters actually exist, in the end, is beside the point. Allen and Burton both have tendencies to begin stories, not at point A, but rather around point C. Somewhere in the middle. I admire both in their manner of storytelling that�s totally post-modern. Big Fish taught me an awful lot about storytelling (Todd Solondz take note).

I�m not entirely convinced that the protagonist hates his father. I think he�s unhappy with himself, even though he�s living the dream of any bed-wetting professional: Bloom Jr. lives in a gorgeous contemporary apartment in Paris with an equally gorgeous, young wife. Both are writers. He hasn�t so much entered adulthood, but the pages of Architectural Digest. Bloom Junior�s life lends the few doses of modernism in this story -- Dad isn�t telling tall-tales via email -- but overall, I think son is frustrated with a "dull-as-reality life," as you call it. Dad�s yarns represent an oral tradition that was alive and well during his day, a tradition that will die with him unless son participates.

What does this say about Burton? So many of his principle characters have misgivings about adulthood. At some point in our lives, I think we strive to grip childhood like PeeWee to his bicycle. But sooner or later we have to let go, admitting to ourselves, "I meant to do that." But do we? Aging is not always a pleasant experience. Even Allen, working through more psychosexual frustration than Alex Portnoy, is frustrated with the aging process. He surrounds both himself and his characters with a bevy of young, attractive women. In the end, perhaps both directors are excising the desire to sleep with Christina Ricci.

To: Kate Silver

Re: Ooohhh! Good call!!

I say, Kate, good show on the �Deconstructing Harry� reference. See? THIS is why we all should�ve made that or Celebrity the last Allen film we saw. I�m too busy trying to shake the wreckage of Anything Else from my head, I can�t remember all the great material from before that I used to be able to mine with such abandon.

Yeah, clearly no way Bloom Jr. actually hates his Dad. He just, y�know, can�t stand to be in the same room with him. An impulse we all clearly can relate to with at least one family member, right? I hadn�t even noticed that he lived in Pairs with his beautiful French wife. Wow, maybe Burton�s taking the piss on all of us latter-day bohemians, with our fuel-efficient cars, our fancy-pants art music (again: see the Pearljam issue), and our willful denial of the fact that our arms-distance appreciation of culture happened a long time ago, and isn�t any more interesting a way to live now.

So what are we saying here? Clearly, it was a damn fine movie. But how do we describe it when recommending to friends? Or more important, family? �Um, yeah, so Dad, you know how we all hate you and wish to supplant your patriarchal role so that we can have sex with Mom in an attainment of the Ego-drive? Well, there�s the movie you�d really like....�

-Alex P.S. Maybe we should apply these exact same criterion to critique You Got Served.

To: Alex McCown

Subject: Deconstructing Boogaloo

You�re right about Allen. I�d suggest a review of his next project, but I
think we can safely agree that neither of us will see it in the theatre.
Sorry about the Allen tangent, there is usually one with me, kind of like the
Seinfeld tangent (dissertation to come?) and the upgraded model: the Curb
Your Enthusiasm tangent. Though � to stay on-track � both television programs
share in the post-modern storytelling (PMS for short) aesthetic that I�ve
become accustomed to. I find it helpful and a little artful to apply this
aesthetic to my own storytelling, precisely because I�m accustomed to such
tangents. I cannot tell a story straight (that is, beginning to conclusion)
orally. A friend of mine once told me that I reminded him of a bop-jazz
artist in technique because I "Scat". With Big Fish, the viewer receives a
mosaic of story, and it�s up to us to fit them together into some semblance
of narrative.

And again, I think you�ve made a great point about the general
public�s lazinless when it comes to culture. We live in this weird reality-TV sphere in which popular culture has become the culture. Burton reminds us, in a roundabout way, that a rich oral tradition once existed. That doesn�t mean the stories were dull. They were just as informative, imaginative, and scandalous. Even though Access Hollywood wasn�t reporting on them. That all of this appears in a glossy mainstream movie really impresses me. Hopefully my explanation makes sense. So, what did you have for dinner last night?

Best,

Kate

Posted by alex at 7:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Some folks seem to have spent too much time checking out the latest episode of The Apprentice to notice that some damn fine things are available for your viewing pleasure. First of all: Kudos to the Swedes, whose amazing film I Am Curious- Yellow has somehow not retained as much of its cultural value over the years as it should. A recent re-viewing of this film by Planetarium was striking, if only for its vivide distinction between what happens if you're born in the only country birthed upon a notion of free trade, as opposed to having, you know, some 800+ years of history. A great movie, and well worth seeing.

Also: The Family Guy, seasons 1,2, and 3 are now readily buy-able. For real. Get them now. Now, it's true. It's really good. Planetarium knows you need a laugh now and then. We sure do.

Posted by alex at 11:16 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Hey all, Planetarium's back with a whole host of things to talk about....though we have to say, having several tons of snow dumped upon you from above doesn't always make for the greatest time. At least not when you're trying to maneuver a Jetta uphill.

First of all, for those of you not in the know, Japan has been in the midst of one of the greatest cinema revivals since America in the 70's. Scorcese, Fuller, Coppola? They've got Miike, Kitano, and a whole host of other up-and-comers to the throne. Takashi Miike in particular, devour anything you can get your hands on by him. The guy makes multiple films a year, and almost every one is better than anything you've seen in English recently. Notable standouts include Ichi the Killer, Audition, and our personal favorite bizarro musical odyssey, The Happiness of the Katakuris.

Also, it's incredible, but a good percentage of these new works of cinema verite are squarely in the horror genre. Pulse (aka Kairo) comes to mind, as does the fucked-up, could-NEVER-be-made-in-America trashy genius of Battle Royale. Seriously- can you picture any American distributor screening a film about middle school kids being forced to hunt and kill each other?

On to the music tip. A good number of you may know about this already, but the thing is, it's rare these days that Planetarium stumbles upon a rock record that is even vaguely impressive. It's all the more amazing when parts of it sound somewhat...well.....emo (shudder). But that's exactly what Desaparecidos somehow manages to pull off, rather like a clumsy freshman fumbling at a coed's bra strap...only, you know, anti-capitalist. Also on the list of rock bands actually being good are the fresh-faced nouveau-rockers of Pretty Girls Make Graves. The album The New Romance has been spinning in Planetarium's Cd player for weeks now. Honestly. Do you know how rarely that happens?!?!

Of course, we can't let this post go by without a quick mention of the fact that John Kerry will apparently be the Democratic nominee, barring some unforeseen miracle-working by either Dean or Edwards. Clark really blew it, didn't he? Thank God, is all we can say. Funny how we're all about to be Kerry supporters, when for the most part I have nothing nice to say about the man, other than the fact that maybe the South will be impressed by the fact that he killed some Vietnamese soldiers with his bare hands.

Janet Jackson's breast? Somewhat less than what we imagined.

Posted by alex at 12:28 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

Something about the cold. If you live in a climate where it is regular below the freezing point, you know what Planetarium is talking about. If you don't, then shut your trap. Something about the cold makes you simultaneously more alive and more depressed and quiet. You toughen up, your body preps you for the temperature, but at the same time you lose some of your will to live. Allin all, it's probably a good thing. Planetarium has always argued that people who live in cold, hostile climates tend to be smarter than people who live in warm climates near the beach. Why? We're glad you asked.

If you live in a cold weather area, then during the winter, you spend your time indoors, alone, reading, talking, using your mind. If you live in a hot climate, you do what any sane person does, which is hit the beach as often as you can. It kills your brain, it defeats your desire to grow as a person, and you end up stupider than you might otherwise be. This is not necessarily a bad thing. Indeed, your life might be all the happier for it. But you know, don't get into any big debates or anything. The old writers agree with us. Get used to it.

None of which destroys Planetarium's desire to have a winter home in the Tropics.

Posted by alex at 2:24 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

So, yeah. Go see it. Amazing. Great. Like a tone poem. Only better.

Or, right. The name. Planetarium is still dumbfounded. Uhhh....

Right. The name of the movie.

Like staring at into a kaleidoscope at age three.

It's called, ah.......oh yeah.

Morvern Callar.

Planetarium's word on it.

Posted by alex at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

apologies, but due to unusually high traffic flow, Planetarium has been down for a couple of days, as you've probably noticed. Fear not, by tomorrow all should be well. Email your computer disaster stories to Planetarium, and maybe we'll post the good ones.

Posted by alex at 11:29 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

SO- it's come to Planetarium's attention that everyone and their mothers are now faithfully submitting their year-end best-of lists out into the stratosphere, either by blog or email, or even taking unfair advantage of their position as writers by publishing in magazines their compliations of what they see as the best that 2003 had to offer. After all, there's few things that dorks of all stripes- be they music, film, internet, gaming, or political- love more than top ten lists. Well, we here at Planetarium say fie on that! We will stoop to neither best-of lists, nor top ten lists! And in that spirit, we offer you, gentle reader, a top-six "worst of 2003" list. IN the spirit of goodwill towards humans, of course.

6. Strom Thurmond- planted at last! This aging dinosaur, clothed in 20s-era bowties, sitting on the Senate floor, spent the past twelve years nobly listening to passionate debates on the most serious issues of our time; and then, when all others had fallen silent, this great elder statesman would rise to his feet, open his mouth, and emit a three-foot-long streamer of drool. Like down to his knees. That's what a pathetic, racist, decrepit, husk of a chauvinist pig this man had become. And he sat in Congress and made lots of important decisions, yeah, that's good, he's a good man. At least we now have his bastard half-black daughter whose mother he likely raped as living, eternal evidence of what a piece of shit this man was.

5. The Postal Service- Give Up- God, I am sick to death of seeing this album of every single rock critic's top-ten list. You know what the worst part about them is? We really, really like this record. A lot. It's so embarrasing. Seriously, who would've thought that just by taking away the guitars and throwing some electronic drums on it, you could trick people into liking emo again? 'Cuz that's what this is, folks, through and through: E-M-O. Postal Service deserves the title even more than Jimmy Eat World at this point. Joan Jett said it best: "I hate myself for loving you."

4. Friendster- My generation is so stupid that it actually thinks an online meet-and-greet cum miss lonelyhearts service is a good idea. Friendster sucked the minds and logic out of many a sensible person for the past eight months. Happily, as the year closes, and Friendster begins breathing its last, pitiable gasps of air, all hipsters have decided to waste their lives elsewhere.

3. My Generation- The Friendster thing reminded me. I hate you all.

2. The End of Buffy, The Vampire Slayer- Seriously, this could've been number one worst thing of the year, save for a few precious truths: 1) Angel is still on the air. 2) Joss Whedon is still alive, and 3) They will hopefully keep making new Buffy video games in perpetuity. All of you people who don't know what I'm talking about, you missed one of the most important cultural icons of your time, and I feel very bad for you. No, wait, I still hate you.

1. George Bush- Could it be anything else? This man will very likely go down in history as the WORST President we've ever had. Like really bad, dangerously bad. And not, to quote David Cross, "just in like a Millard Fillmore, James K. Polk kind of way." We have sat around for three years and watched this man's administration make a mockery of everything that was once respectable about America, democracy, politics, and especially brain cells. (See brain cells, needing to have) And I'm not entirely convinced that they don't have Osama hidden away, as a prize to reveal about a month before the election. The right-wing conspiracy Hillary spoke of no longer needs to hide itself away, it's right in the open, for all to see. And over half of our country couldn't be happier. I'm so proud to be an American.

Whoo, that ended on a much more seriously depressing note than I could have anticipated. Um, Planetarium can't let you go away that bummed out, it's Christmas, after all. Go check out Ain't It Cool and see the trailers for some of the really cool movies that are coming out next year: Spiderman 2, The new Coen brothers, all sorts of good things to look forward to. So there you go. All is not dark. Just, um, a lot. hah-hah. errr...

Posted by alex at 12:51 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Actually, Planetarium really enjoys her show The Simple Life. Although we still feel that they need to be far more cruel to Nicole and Paris than they've been thus far. None more deserving, and so forth.

But in reality, this post is to inform you all that the nagging feeling you've had in the back of your mind is quite correct: The Return of the King is indeed just as good as you thought it might be, and you should've seen it already. Planetarium's geek credentials, on the other hand, are fully intact. We've been talking a lot about the movies of the season here, and this is the perfect holiday film: A classic, enormous Hollywood epic, wherein good and evil clash, your emotional buttons get pushed rather firmly, and at the end you'd have to be a true Grinch not to have a smile on your face. Like more so than Love, Actually even.
And it REALLY beats drinking eggnog while staring at your uncle hitting on your significant other. Not that Planetarium's having issues with this joyous season or anything.

Coming soon: Best-of-the-year list, but in a good way. Which reminds us, our friend Kate had a great year-end list. Go look at her blog.

Posted by alex at 8:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Wow, six days between posts. I apologize.

It seems Planetarium's been spending too much time with Homestar Runner.

You should too.

Posted by alex at 1:26 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Yep, you guessed it, today's entry is Gothika, the newest fiasco from Halle Berry. If you're anything like me, you were potentially interested in seeing this movie. BUUUUUUT......then then reviews came in. Then the general reaction to the film appeared. Then that friend of yours who's really dumb mentioned how it was super-predictable and not scary at all. All of which combines to equal........a soon-to-be out-of-work former agent for Ms. Berry! Yes, you heard me, "Ms." Berry. That washed-up 90's-era soul-crooner is out of the picture. Fellas, looking for a good-looking lady who didn't deserve an award she got for having sex onscreen with Billy Bob Thornton? Look no further.

So, in the last analysis, please don't go see Gothika. There are many more worthwhile films to spend your time on. If you don't believe me, allow the nation's critics, gathered together at RottenTomatos.com to convince you. Instead go see the only film with Bruce Campbell as Elvis in a retirement home fighting an undead Egyptian mummy. It's finally out, at the Uptown theater. It's.....

BUBBA HO-TEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by alex at 2:39 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Today's film entry is, of course, the latest Tom Cruise debacle to wind its way down the turnpike. The sad part is, it's not even as appealing as Minority Report. You just know that, coming from Hollywood, The Last Samurai would be about a white guy. In this hoary re-hash to the profound sentiment that we city folk have somethin' we can learn from them there natives, it's a dreary form of Dances With Asians that actually shines through on celluloid. Your parents will probably really like this movie. I'm not saying it won't have its good moments, just that it won't be good.

Posted by alex at 7:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Okay, these movies don't even have websites, because they're OLD.......

The Wicker Man. Christopoher Lee. Totally insane British film from the 70's. Go rent it from your local indie store. Bizarre is not a strong enough word.

The Book of Life. Hal Hartley's millenium film. About Jesus being a bleeding-heart liberal. Need I say more?

All or Nothing. Mike Leigh's latest genius. You love him. You just don't know it yet.

Go sic 'em.

Posted by alex at 11:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

As promised, the holiday film guide now commences. Today is a pretty short one, for obvious reasons. The film I'm going to tell you about needs no real examination, no serious inquiry into the pluses and minuses, because, honestly, the whole movie is just one big minus. Did you guess it yet?

That's right. I'm talking about that most disasterous of films, The Cat In the Hat, starring that most one-note of comic actors, Mike Myers. A friend of mine put it very well tonite, when he said "Screw that movie. Screw it in its creepy cat ass." You have to be deranged to want to see this film. Do not go. I beg you.

Tomorrow, a better film. Yay!

Posted by alex at 11:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Speaking of turkeys, Clay Aiken was on Jay Leno the other night. Don't you think he sort of looks like the bastard child of Brad Pitt and Camryn Manheim? Just a thought.

ANYWAYS, the reason for this post is to inform you that, this year, Planetarium would like to suggest an alternative to whatever your usual charitable Thanksgiving donation is. See, the reason so many more hungry jobless people are out there this year is because of one thing: George Bush. So, in the spirit of goodwill towards all people, why not donate to MoveOn.org, , BootBush.com, or any number of other important enterprises? It'll help, I promise.

Posted by alex at 8:14 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

December 5th.

Uptown Theater, Minneapolis.

Bubba Ho-Tep.

'nuff said.

Posted by alex at 9:10 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Sorry, I couldn't resist the faux-headline. Seriously, though, check out the picture the New York Times slapped alongside their story on him. Sweet Jesus, I can't believe anyone would see that face and NOT imagine it molesting little boys.

Posted by alex at 5:41 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Hey, hey, how about that: Massachusetts wants gay people to get married. Okay, I predict, with my amazing intellect, that another wave of aarticles will hit the press talking about how this will only bring another wave of anti-gay backlash. Just like the one that materialized, just as predicted, after the anti-sodomy laws ruling. Oh, wait, that was just a wave of articles saying there'd be a backlash, but it never actually happened. That darn liberal media...

Posted by alex at 12:32 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Finally saw The Texas Chainsaw Massacre the other day....let me tell you, it was actually good. I can see why it topped the ol' box office for like two or three weeks straight there. Jessica Biel does a lovely job of screaming and running, which is primarily what the script requires of her. But it was surprising: as a fan of the genre, I have to say that I'm not scared very often by them. But massacre contains some honest-to-God creepy moments, and makes a great date movie. You know, if you're weird.

Posted by alex at 12:27 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

OKay, so the high-concept Hollywood train is about to leave the station, the leaves have pretty much all fallen, Joe Lieberman is doing his best to out-right-wing the right-wing, Britney Spears has a new album coming out....it must be that special time of year between Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Actually, not quite yet. But I'm anticpiating it because, golly, there's just so much to look forward to. Not the least of which will be the fact that Radio, Cuba Gooding Jr.'s latest aborted fetus of a movie, will finally be gone from theaters and minds of Americans foreverafter. What's that? You don't find aborted fetus references funny? Well, screw you. It's hard to be witty on here, sentence after sentence, every single day. (Ideally every single day, i should mea culpa, i suppose.) So just sod off. Okay, let's see, back on board the Cuba Gooding Jr. premise train! Whoo-whoo! It's leaving! Say, what do you think dinner conversation at the Gooding Jr. household is like? I think it might go a little something.....a-like this:

Cuba Gooding Jr.: Hi, there, family, it's me, Cuba Gooding Jr. You might not remember me from such films as Chill Factor, A Murder of Crows, and Snow Dogs. You likely WILL remember me as the who won an Oscar for shouting "Show me the money!" Hee-hee. I bet those Academy people are kicking themselves every day over that one.

Cuba Jr. Jr.: Daddy, is there anything else you can possibly do to damage the respect, dignity, and progress of black people everywhere?

Cuba Gooding Jr.:, Well, I suppose I could back in time like the Terminator and assassinate Malcolm X, but that'd be hard for me to pull off.

Please hold my coat while I slide down into hell. ANYWAYS, there are a whole boatload of movies coming out during this time, some great-looking, some not-so-great. (You gotta give it up for Ben Affleck, though: His next film's called Paycheck. I applaud him for having the guts to just come out and say it. Look for his next two films, Summer Home and Phoning It In to drop sometime next year.) But I just wanted to clue you folks in to the fact that, starting next week, from the day after Thanksgiving to the day before Christmas, Planetarium will be chiming in with all the best capsule reviews of music, films, and books as a public service for those of you unable to come up with your own gift ideas. You're welcome.

But don't worry- that means I've got about a week or so here to do some serious farting about some recent political disasters. (Quick- here's my impression of Howard Dean: "Hey y'all! Y'all Southerners? I LUV me some good ol' redneck hillbilly, methaphetamine-snorting racist voters! I surely do! Y'all come vote for Howard 'round this here time next year!") And of course Planetarium would be sorely remiss in his duties were he not to mention the exciting news that Julianne Moore is starring in a Vampire movie coming out next summer. I love this new trend of Oscar winners turning to the occult to spruce up the ol' resume. Though Halle Barry apparently can't handle REAL goths, so she just has to name her silly Flight of the Navigator re-hash that. ("Halle! Wake up! While you were sitting in a sanitarium, the rest of us here on Earth aged eight years! Except for Robert Downey, Jr. He aged forty years.")

That's enough pedantry for now. Gotta go look up X-Box games to ask my family for come Christmas. And don't worry, Planetarium will post his Amazon wish list here, so any of you who really love him can buy him something from it.

Posted by alex at 1:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I can't believe someone didn't hit on this idea sooner: A website devoted to reviewing the trailers of upcoming movies, and very humorously deciding whether or not they're any good. I rarely laugh out loud at anything placed on a computer screen, but this site is great. Allow me to especially recommend their review of Charlie's Angel's: Full Throttle. Which is a damn fine film in it's own right. No, seriously. How come no one believes me when I say that?

Posted by alex at 11:56 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I do apologize. Planetarium has been starting a new job this week, which hath kept us from our multivarious Internet duties. So, a quick recap for those of you who are jonesin' for some inside scoops:

There is a box of Golden Grahams right next to the keyboard this is being typed on, and near the side of the cover, it reads "The irresistable taste of Golden Grahams has everyone after your box!".

Apparently, the Matrix: Revolutions is way better than the last one, which I interpret to mean that, at the very least, it doesn't totally suck.

Today The looking glass hoists Tom Friedman, very deservedly, by his own petard:

A few weeks ago, Tom Friedman was mocking the French for proposing "some kind of loopy symbolic transfer of Iraqi sovereignty to some kind of hastily thrown together Iraqi provisional government" -- a proposal that they could only be advancing, he claimed, because it was doomed to failure, and failure was what they wanted to see. Today, he makes his own proposal:

There is much talk now about the need for "Iraqification" of the police and armed forces, so Iraqis can take over for U.S. troops. No question, this is necessary. But it's not sufficient. We could have 100,000 Iraqis in the police and Army and it would not be enough � without one other person. We need an Iraqi leader (or a leadership council) elected as a result of an Iraqi constitutional or political process. ...
This should be our drop-everything priority.

Which is, of course, very different. It was not proposed by the French.

Another lovely media blast comes courtesy of Atrios:

David Corn describes an recent encounter with Ann Coulter on Hardball where, true to form, Ann was making shit up. The show concluded with Matthews saying, "Facts mean nothing to you, Ann." As Corn notes, "If so, why continue to have her on?"

The country is still being led straight to hell by Bush et. al.

The new Neal Stephenson book is pretty good so far.

The Vets played a great show last night.

What more do you want?

Posted by alex at 8:04 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

October.

Halloween.

Scariness. And not just the Dick Cheney kind.

That's right, I'm talking about horror films. Now, I know some of you probably aren't fans of the genre, and when it comes time to choose a film, you steer away from the aisles in Hollywood video that contain box after box of half-dead ghouls peering out at you. And frankly, you're justified. Most horror films SUCK, truly and royally, the kind of sucking that makes you embarrassed you just lost an hour and a half of your life. BUT- when one comes along with charm, or pizazz, or real gravitas, something that elevates the film off the screen- well, it's somehow better than any other kind of movie. Because not only does it grab you, make you care, make you believe, or even make you laugh, something about the craft just makes it linger. Oh, and did I mention making you afraid to turn off the light afterwards?

So here's my plea for the elusive art of that most illustrious beast, the good horror film. I used to hate the genre- and hear me out if this sounds familiar: "Oh, I like The Shining a lot, and I liked Silence of the Lambs a whole bunch, but I just don't like horror films." That used to be me. Until I realized that, just like most of us, the only things I saw on the shelves with a quick glance were crap. For every Exorcist, there's twenty Boogeyman II. But isn't the case with most genre films? It's just that we find ignoring horror more convenient, because, unlike most films, when a horror movie gets to you, it REALLY gets to you.

So , in the spirit of the Halloween season, I figured this was the perfect time for those of you dragging your feet on the scary movies tip to get with the program, by offering a couple gems, some well known, some not-so-well known, as a kind of primer. Happy hauntings.

1) Cabin Fever. Now, I've been really pushing this one lately, because it's new, and you want this guy to make more movies, so support this one. But mainly because it's awesome. Admittedly, this one is very gory, so if you have a problem with that, maybe start with another. But I find this movie seems to appeal to newbies and fans alike, with its wicked sense of humor combined with loads of inside jokes about the genre. Probably the best horror film of the past few years.

2) Rosemary's Baby. One of the more well-known, but also lesser-seen, for some odd reason. This film completely deserves to be up there, in my mind, alongside Exorcist, the Omen, and all the other classic horrors of the seventies, but gets oddly overlooked, despite the name recognition. So do yourself a favor, and check out Mia Farrow in the best thing she's ever done.

3) May. Here's a good introductory one for those of you who like the arty films. May is a rollicking good horror film with a wickedly black sense of humor, but it's also a strangely moving and graceful film, and fairly sad. The story of a desperately lonely outcast of a girl, May is the kind of debut film (from auteur-to-be Lucky McKee) that really makes an impression, and I would recommend to those of you shy about diving into the genre. Not too gory, either.

4) Friday the 13th and Halloween. Despite how wildly craptacular many of the later films in each series have proved to be, the original Jason and Michael Myers still pack a pretty mean punch in their respective coming-out parties. Or, failing that, you get to see Kevin Bacon take it in the jugular.

I'm going to start posting additions to this list as people suggest them, and as I think of them. So, have a fave? Send it in!

Posted by alex at 7:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Another satellite feed while the red planet orbits New England, or Tennessee, or wherever the hell he's going. We (Kate et al) are anxious to get our hands on the new Jonathan Lethem novel, The Fortress of Solitude, especially after hearing the author read excerpts at Ruminator in St. Paul on Friday evening. The 30-ish Lethem is a Brooklyn native, often using the city as a backdrop in his texts (Motherless Brooklyn, et al). Fortress is a coming-of-age tale set in the late 70's and early 80's in New York, hitting upon themes of classism and gentrification. Lethem's chat provided a dizzying pop-laden interlude covering: comics, soul & disco music, graffiti, and Farrah Fawcett. Buy the book here. Read further about it in Slate and City Pages. Culture-vultures rejoice!

Posted by alex at 8:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Before Planetarium runs to a computer in order to comment on the California recall election, I (Kate) thought I would interrupt with the breaking news that Siegfried & Roy, the popular Las Vegas attraction, has finished a lengthy run following the near-fatal mauling of magician Roy Horn by a white Bengal tiger late last week.

Now I know what you're thinking. Why can't you tell me more about Arnold's assault charges? Its been two days! I can't wait any longer! In that case, you should probably keep reading.

The tiger, Montecore (last name witheld for security purposes) appeared on Meet the Press this past Sunday, responding to questions about the attack via an interpreter (the tiger is fluent in German). Montecore is currently being held in quarantine at the Mirage Hotel, where the popular attraction has been staged since 1990. According to an Associated Press report, tickets currently sell for $110.00 apiece.

Asked by commentator Tim Russert what led to the attack, the famously coy tiger responded that the incident involved a few unfulfilled requests. First, a share in the earnings following a successful round of low-stakes blackjack were never "Forked over". A lodged complaint over the "Mediocre" Mirage buffet was never resolved. The tiger also expressed "Disatisfaction" with co-star Siegfried's hair stylist. "My own bouffant was never as vivacious as his," the tiger said. He also recalled a discussion with Horn concerning the lack of showgirls in the famous Siegfried & Roy show. "Come on," he snorted (via interpreter) "You expect me to look at tigers all day?"

Russert concluded by asking for the tiger's predictions concerning the forthcoming California recall election. "Arnold," responded Montecore (again via interpreter). "It's a territorial thing. I innately follow the one with the thickest accent." And of his own accord, the tiger followed up his statement with the admission: "The Cubs, the blonde from Survivor...and Gephardt."

Posted by alex at 9:27 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Planetarium's bosses at work have decided to evilly block access to our mighty blog, which means the times I used to be inform to keep you dear readers informed of the up-to-the-minute good stuff are now past us, and updates will have to come either in the mornings (like this) or at night (see soon).

Now the exciting news: Planetarium will be having a couple guest posters! That's right: since Planetarium is leaving to tour with his band for the next three weeks, a couple of people will be taking over posting duties. Who? You'll have to ait and see. But have no fear, there will still be updates from the road as well. So keep Planetarium bookmarked in your "Favorites"column, and check back periodically for all the best in news, politics, movies, and th rest of it.

Oh, and go buy the new David Foster Wallace book.

Posted by alex at 11:20 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Some new entries to what you should at shouldn't see at the cinema this week, courtesy of various reviews I've culled, primarily from the New York Times (you need to log in, it's easy, they don't ask for anything) and the true geek site, Ain't It Cool.

So the good news: Go see the new remake of Texas Chainsaw Massacre. It's amazing, and you will be entertained if a fan of the clever horror genre. If not, again, like Cabin Fever, this is a good place to start.

Kill Bill, the new Quentin Tarantino film, is going to blow you away. This is exactly what hipsters don't want to believe. A friend of mine recently mocked it, syaing there's "no way I'd see that." Thesis: If he saw the exact same preview, but without Tarantino's name attached, he'd be super-pumped about it. So don't believe the dissing, and check it out.

Lost in Translation is amazing, but you already knew that. Why haven't you seen it yet?

Posted by alex at 10:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Remember the "we're ashamed to be from Texas" comment? That made me like the Dixie Chicks. This letter from their lead singer makes me love them.

Posted by alex at 5:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Okay, I know not everyone's a fan of "The West Wing". But to those of us who are politicos on the left, just about everyone, including those greenies, progressives, and Gore Democrats, all of them like watching a nice idealized view of the White House we all WISH existed. If you don't watch it, I'd highly recommend checking it out. You could start at the beginning, if you want to.
So: Tonight's season-opener was the first episode sans Aaron Sorkin, the creator and writer of every episode up 'til now. And the result of a new staff of writers was: so-so. It had good parts, bad parts, the bad parts notably being a slight change in character and tone for the show. When Mr. Jewish leftie Tobey says "If we close the markets, the terrorists win", it's a rather strikingly out-of-character statement. There was a good attempt to keep up the rapid-fire dialogue and pacing, but it occasionally veered into merely difficult-to-hear, a problem that also plagued the last season of Buffy, another similarly intellectual show. But what can I say: it still was fun, and a nice hour of fantasy where we could all pretend that politics still made some sort of rational sense.

What worries me most of all? The statement by NBC that, in an effort to attract more moderate (read: corporate) fans, the show would become more balanced in its viewpoints between both right-wing and left-wing agendas. Does the idea of "Crossfire" as an hour-long drama appeal to you? Me neither.

Posted by alex at 1:27 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Another slight delay in the ol' Planetarium empire. No fears, all is now well again, and there will be a glut of good stuff coming your way Monday.

Till then, gentle reader, perhaps continue your reading by picking up the new Neal Stephenson book. It may be weird, uit may be long, the only thing you know for sure is that it'll be great.

Also, anyone out there who's gotten their hands on an advance copy of David Foster Wallace's new book? And if so, can you tell me about it?

Posted by alex at 2:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

To begin with: run, don't walk, to your nearest theater and see Cabin Fever, a film I'm almost certain should become an instant cult horror classic. The sort of Sam Raimi-by-way-of-David Lynch-meets-Romero that most directors only dream of. To quote Jack Black in High Fidelity: "It's a brilliant movie! It's so funny, and violent, and the soundtrack kicks ass."

RECALL, RECALL, RECALL

California's recall election has been delayed. While it's true that at the moment the Dems are winning, I don't think the extension's gonna hurt anything much. McClintock will stay in the race and continue to siphon the crazy right-winger vote away from Ahnuld.

Posted by alex at 3:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Something a little different here on Planetarium today, and that is a ringing endorsement of Audrey Niffenegger's debut novel, The Time-Traveler's Wife. The story of a married couple, wherein the wife first meets her husband-to-be when she's 6 and he's, um, not- see, the thing is, he can't control his time-traveling. It's always refreshing when something genuinely different makes some waves and does well, and you should support this by reading the book and enjoying it. Um, or something like that. Man, leave it to a Sunday to make prose as limpid and uninspired as possible.

Posted by alex at 10:33 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Well, it's friday, and that means you have a sacred duty this weekend to go see Cabin Fever and make it extremely successful, so that Eli Roth gets to continue making incredibly brilliant cult horror films. I'm serious, you need to see this, and if you don't usually like horror, well, this is the place to start developing an appreciation for the genre. Okay? Okay.

I guess Once Upon A Time In Mexico is also opening this weekend. And while I certainly plan to see it, that doesn't mean you need to, also.

Can George Will get any stupider?

Posted by alex at 3:04 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

It's funny how the blitz of 9/11 remembrances from the media this year are being presented as a small, "less-intrusive" memorium that people don't care about as much this year. Most of the pieces I've seen are, if anything, even bolder and moreall-consuming than those of last year. Why is that? Perhaps something to do the way we like to pretend that we don't remember things.

So a quiet day here at Planetarium, though not because we shouldn't be talking as much, if not more. But in the meantime, I'd like to propose a ban of blogs that take up valuable space but never, ever post more than once every couple of weeks. It's annoying, irritating, and I'd like you to please get off the INternet and stop pretending you have a worthwhile site. Happy Thursday.

Posted by alex at 2:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

okay, it's about 1 a.m. I am unfortunately unable to sleep, because about 27 minutes ago I was adjusting my TV antennae so that Conan O'Brian didn't look purple, when I somehow managed to electrocute myself. My whole face was literally tingling. I have no idea how it happened. But, with the help of a vodka/rum/creme de cacao/lime-Aid mixer, I'm feeling a little better. Somehow I doubt that will still be the case when I wake up in six hours. Anyhoo....

A small list of things that will either cheer you up or terrify you:
-all economists seem to agree- if Bush is re-elected in 2004, we are royally screwed.
-Dirty Pretty Things is a pretty good movie.
-I still sincerely doubt Howard Dean could win it. But that doesn't mean he shouldn't try. Sadly enough, he may be our best shot at this point. And this will, similarly, also be the ONLY time I buy the "lesser of two evils" argument.
-"The West Wing" is finally coming out on DVD.
-Where have all the good musicians gone? At least this should make you smile.

Posted by alex at 1:17 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Okay, you gotta admit: Al Franken is damn funny. It's helps that he's pretty on the mark politically, too. So what you should do is head over to NPR's Fresh Air website and listen to the interview he did for them yesterday. It's full of great little tidbits, including this great statement about Schwarzenegger's campaign: "The thing is, I don't like that he's friends with Kurt Waldheim. Maybe it's just me, that I'm a Jew, but I don't like Nazis."

Posted by alex at 5:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Hey, anybody want to buy it for me? Or, you know, Season 1 has been out for a while, too. If not for me, then do it for yourselves. You've earned it.

Posted by alex at 1:27 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

hey everyone. Sorry I unexpectedly disappeared for several days, I had a long-planned vacation that came up a little more abruptly than I'd anticipated, and so I left without having time to write a note saying I would be away. My sincerest apologies. On the upshot, there is a plethora of things to talk about since my absence. So- stay tuned, big day today....

Posted by alex at 12:49 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

It's (semi-)official: drinking red wine will make you live linger.

So go buy ten bottles, drink up, and watch it burn.

Posted by alex at 6:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Yikes. Now I'm depressed.

I mean, we all know things are bad. Really, really bad. But because we're Americans, and we've been living under the storm clouds of "really, really bad" for awhile now, we're able to do our American best and ignore it in order to get through our daily grind. Hell, we pride ourselves on this ability. And we do our best to ignore people making really good money in secure jobs- the ones who write letters to the editor saying things like "Stupid whiny leftists, they should look around and realize things aren't so bad in the country."

But every once in a while, someone really eloquent gets fed up, and throws it all right in our faces. And that's exactly what has happened to Mark Gisleson at the Minneapolis City Pages. He is an employment counselor who writes (or should I say wrote) the Career News weblog over at the Twin Cities Babelogue. And this is one of the most horrific letters of resignation I've ever seen. Be warned: This is not for the faint of heart.

Thank God for Al Franken.

Posted by alex at 9:34 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Okay, first off, don't believe any of the reviews about Freddy Vs. Jason- since they all appear to have missed the point. A typical review, like the one from the Minneapolis Star Tribune, always zeroes in on this point: "It's not even scary." Excuse me, but you were expecting this movie to be scary? Come on, the point of this movie is exactly what it's being excoriated for- "a grudge battle with all the subtlety of a WWE cage match." I'm sorry, but when you go to Freddy Vs. Jason, if you're expecting subtle scares with an artistic flourish, then you're a...um...what's the word I'm looking for?...oh yeah: a moron.
So don't believe the hype, and go see one of the most entertaining films I've seen yet this year. What, would you rather be at Seabiscuit?

Posted by alex at 2:55 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Hey everybody, pay attention when Kate Silver is talking to you:

I have seen the light. It was only partially obscured by rows of severed heads and pints of corn syrup blood splashed about the concrete. oh yeah, UFO's too. My standards are a bit high when it comes to kitsch (John Waters as Svengali), but it's hard to beat a flick like "Wild Zero" (released in 2000 and soon available on DVD here in the States). Guitarwolf (of Japanese garage-punks Guitar Wolf, who star in the movie) manages a multi-purpose mantra for the punk & sci-fiers alike: "I've got a wallet in my ass with a license to rock'n'rolllll!" Listen also for the climax battle, set to Bikini Kill's "Rebel Girl".

You heard her- go do your capitalist duty.

Posted by alex at 4:46 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Well, I know you've been waiting to hear from me whether or not it's worth seeing. And I'm here to tell you, the midnight show I went to last night dispelled any fears. It's awesome. That's right:
Freddy Vs. Jason is awesome.

Posted by alex at 7:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

So it seems that Bush and co. are now furiously backpedaling on the No-Powell-In-2004 issue, since it appears that the leaking of Mr. My Lai's departure in the event of a Bush re-election went over like a fart in church with the general population. There's no way they could be surprised by this, since most people, even those of a Republican bent, seem to regard Colin Powell as the closest thing to a sane person in the cabinet. Therefore, I can only assume heads are busily rolling somewhere in the White House. You can read the Times' piece here. Is it just me, or is it totally impossible for the New York Times to cover Bush without mentioning at least once what a "good-natured" fella he is? Damn liberal media.

Proving once again that emigres have a much clearer vision of our country than we do, Slavov Zizek's book Welcome To the Desert of the Real! nails us on everything that's happened in the past two years:

"In being asked to choose between 'democracy' and 'fundamentalism', is not the real problem one of democracy itself - as if the only alternative to 'fundamentalism' is the political system of American-style liberal democracy?"

Buy it here.

The intellectual in me is very amped about Freddy Vs. Jason. Talk about a Freudian clash of ids. Come on, be nerdily excited about it, you know you want to.

Why do I love The Postal Service?

Posted by alex at 7:27 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

In case you were wondering what the best movie of the new millenium was going to be, it's called Bubba Ho-Tep, so watch this trailer. I can't believe no one thought to make this sooner. Of course, it's going to be hard to top the crowning acheivement of celluloid that is Gigli.

In other news, the worthless Martha Stewart turns 62 today. Best way to celebrate? Go join the Yahoo Newsgroup WeHateMarthaStewart. I'm sure she'll appreciate the sentiment. I know I do.

Steve Perry's amazing blow-by-blow account of every crappy lie and appalling action by the Bush administration thus far is now up at his Bush Wars blog. Go check it out.

Posted by alex at 6:38 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)